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IELTS Task 1 - information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy


lavie 1 / 1  
Jan 27, 2014   #1
Dear all,

I am very new to this great forum, and I would like to post my first IELTS essay here; the task description is included in the attached picture. If you have any advises and /or criticism, please do not hesitate!

Ok, here it goes:

"The pie charts compare the populations of different ages between Yemen and Italy in 2 separate years: 2000 and 2050 (projected).

The youth group, aged from 0 to 14 years old, constituted the largest proportion in Yemen in 2000, representing more than half of the population. In the contrary, this group was the least proportion in Italy in the same year, with 14.3% only. According to the projection for 2050, this category drops significantly in Yemen, with a dramatic fall of 13%, whereas less than 2% in Italy.

The middle-aged group aged from 15 to 59, remains the largest population in Italy in these 2 years, though with a considerable drop of 15% from the former year to the later. In Yemen, it is seen an opposite trend, as it rises by more than 11%, resulted in the largest population in 2050 versus the second largest one in 2000.

To sum up, there are some similar trends in these 2 countries: youth group seems to decrease whereas elderly people are very likely to increase."


  • The Task.

indah_hai 19 / 38 4  
Jan 28, 2014   #2
Dear Lavie,
Here I give you some which need to explore more with your writing:
- Paraphrase the introduction
- In the second paragraph, I think 13% is not a significant decrease but slightly
- In conclusion paragraph, you can put the highest or the lowest population in both years.
-indah-
OP lavie 1 / 1  
Jan 28, 2014   #3
Dear indah,

Thanks for your prompt feedback.

Yes, you are right - I agree with you that 13% might not be a significant decrease, however it might not be slight either? :)

For the introduction, I was trying to paraphrase the task description, but maybe I did not make it perfectly. Can you please provide a good example?

Thanks a lot!

Lavie
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Jan 28, 2014   #4
I am very new to this great forum, and I would like to post my first IELTS essay here; the task description is included in the attached picture. If you have any advises and /or criticism, please do not hesitate!

Welcome you to our EF! :) This is indeed a good place to get help and offer help :)
Let's see how I can help you with your essay;

"The pie charts compare the populations of different ages between Yemen and Italy in 2 separate years: 2000 and 2050 (projected).

... why do you open with inverted commas? This is the structure I suggest you to follow for this task;
There are three basic things you need to structure an IELTS writing task 1.
1. Introduce the graph
2. Give an overview
3. Give the detail


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