The information on coffee and tea consumption and interest in drinks in 5 Australian cities

Writing task 1, test1 cam 15, Bar chart

This is my writing task 1 for Cambridge 15 test 1. Since I'm going to have an IELTS test in early August, I hope to receive moderators' comments to improve my writing skills. Thanks sincerely.

The bar chart illustrates the information on coffee and tea consumption and interest in drinks in 5 Australia cities.
Overall, it can be seen that Australian tended to enjoy drinking coffee/tea in a cafe rather than making coffee by themselves. Besides, instant coffee seemed to be more popular than the fresh one in all 5 cities.

In detail, over half of the population in 4 cities were interesting in having coffee/tea in a cafe, especially in Melbourne, the figure was 63%. Compared to people in other cities, residents in Adelaide showed the lowest interest since there were just 49% of them choose to go to a cafe shop.

Regarding instant coffee, Hobart and Brisbane had the largest consumption, which was nearly 55% and 53% of people bought this kind, respectively. In comparison, fresh coffee seemed to be the last choice of Australian as the percentage of residents who bought it was always lower than 45% during the period shown. In Brisbane, the figure was even beneath 35%.

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A tiny suggestion number under ten written in word form would be better. like 5 --> five
hope this could help you a little bit

Try to do a better summary next time. Make sure that you don't just skim over the information. Directly provide the information so that the summary will definitely provide a complete short listing of information. Always provide:

- Image type (provided)
- Measurement source (Incomplete. Must provide the name of the 5 cities)
- Measurement type (not provided)
- Measurement classification
- Trending statement (Provided)

Provide a total of 5 sentences in that section. This helps to outline the source information and how each data set has affected the report you will be providing.The summary overview is the most important part of this task, so you have to make sure that you always provide the most complete summary of information for the examiner to assess.

You have forgotten that using a comma to separate related information in a sentence is required part of the GRA punctuation scoring considerations. When listing related information, always use a comma to indicate separation. It adds to the clarity of the presentation in that sentence. Additionally, your sentences are too long in every paragraph. You are not showing enough mix of complex and simple sentences because of this. Instead, you are offering constant run-on presentations, which do not necessarily reflect a clear sentence nor proper sentence composition. Try to format your sentences in a manner that utilizes more punctuation marks and sentence structures.

@Holt
I'm thankful for your valuable help. I will try better next time.