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Information is not always free - what's your opinion about it?

letitia012 1 / 1  
Oct 31, 2018   #1
charging for an information

I am preparing for the IELTS test. I really hope to receive your comments and feedback about my writing and score it if possible. Thank you!

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Information is essential for people to do scientific research, run a business and study. However, information is not always free to acquire and some people argue about whether we should pay for gaining information. In my opinion, information should sometimes charge for some reasons.

Many people work hard to write articles and produce data so it is reasonable to charge some fees instead of sharing all of the information freely. Charging some fees from the people who need the information could encourage business or experts to innovate new products or produce more data because they can make a fortune by doing so. For example, scientist who invent new things would register a patent in order to protect his invention from being stolen. If anyone wants to use the invention, he has to communicate with the inventor and pay for the invention. This gives incentive for people to dedicate themselves in producing.

On the other hand, some people think that it is better to share information with others freely. This argument also makes a sense since knowledge can be widely spread if there is no restriction to access. Therefore, the poor who are not affordable to pay for the information have opportunities to gain more knowledge and improve themselves. This might narrow the gap between the rich and the poor because the poor can be educated through getting the information. However, people who produce the information may lose incentive to produce because their precious works are share freely. Hence, the number of information may decrease.

In conclusion, both of these views have advantages and disadvantage but we should not take free information for granted or we will have less chance to see outstanding information.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,801 2612  
Nov 1, 2018   #2
Yuh, I will not score this essay since this is your first time posting at this forum. I always use the first essay to judge your English comprehension abilities along with other scoring considerations. I then offer improvement tips which I hope to see implemented with the next essay posting. So your essay will be reviewed as such. Please use these observations as points for improvement.

The most evident problem with your essay is the lack of English comprehension skills. You clearly did not understand what the reason for the discussion is and how it was to be discussed. Consider the following for clarification:

Original Reason: information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
Your Reason: we should pay for gaining information

As you can see, the original reason only indicated that information should not be shared freely. There is no reference to asking people to pay for the information. Therefore, you included information that would change the discussion slant of the essay. Which is exactly what happened since you made this mistake next:

Original prompt: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your Prompt: In my opinion, information should sometimes charge for some reasons.

The first paragraph is all about restating the original discussion in your own words. This proves that you understand English discussions when presented with it. It appears that you do not have that skill well developed yet. The more appropriate paraphrase and approach to the discussion are as follows:

Most people believe that there are benefits to be gained in the field of science, business, and education when information regarding those fields are openly shared. However, there are those who are convinced that such information is too valuable to just share openly with others. By studying the reasons behind these two belief systems, I will be able to present an educated personal opinion regarding the open sharing of information in today's world.

When people think about openly sharing information, they do so because...

Considering the apprehensions of those who think the information should be held in secret, their reason is that...

Comparing these two reasons, I believe that...

Try to avoid using the standard phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" use transition phrases and original topic introduction sentences instead. This will help to increase both your LR and GRA scores. Before you focus on those aspects though, you need to first work on your English comprehension skills. Read the other sample essays here. Those should help you better understand what the essay discussion types are and how to best address the response presentations.
OP letitia012 1 / 1  
Nov 1, 2018   #3
Thanks you so much! I misunderstood the meaning of "freely". I will read the topic carefully next time.

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