IELTS Writing Academic Test 1 (I can't find the pics,sorry...)
The provided bar chart displays information on post-graduate qualifications in Australia by different gender in 1999. Generally speaking, there were over 50% males with the highest degrees or diplomas and paradoxically held the lowest levels of qualifications. Females were almost constituted of the middle levels on educations.
The first can be observed that the skilled vocational diploma was significantly accounted for 90% of men and only 10% of women. Furthermore, males were constituted of 60% of post-school diploma and 70% of master degree while females were made up 30-40% of the two populations. By contrast, women held 50% of bachelor degree and 70% of undergraduate diploma, which were higher than men, possessed 45% and 35% respectively.
In sum, it's easy to see that a greater percentage of males had higher levels on education comparing with females, especially in expertise vocational diploma. Females were accounted for middle-tier diplomas and degrees in average.
- Generally speaking, (there were - DELETE) over 50% males (MALE) with the highest degree(s- DELETE) or diploma(s- DELETE) and (paradoxically -???)held the lowest level(s-DELETE) of qualifications. Female(s - DELETE) were almost constituted of the middle levels on educations.
> In general, over 50% male has the highest degree or diploma but with the lowest qualification over female. Female given mid-level education acquire greater experience thus increasing their qualification.
Miyako, with my corrections above, your first paragraph needs rephrasing, rest assured that your doing fine with your analysis just make sure to mind the following;
- tenses, if your subject is singular or a number, use singular form of the verb too.
- Proof read your work before submission.
Thanks a lot, justivy03. May I use passive in my sentences? such as" was significantly accounted for 90% of men..."?
Hi, Miyako, Overall, your writing in your essay is good. However, I have a few suggestions for your writing.
I think your conclusion needs to rework.
All in all, it is clear that males tend to continue their education in vocational diploma, whilst the average of females in Australia has background education in undergraduate and postgraduate degree.