The information regarding to some steps and tools that are used to produce cement and concrete

The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

Writing Task 1

The diagrams reveal the information regarding to some steps and tools that are used to produce cement and concrete for building purposes. Overall, it is noticable that, cement production needs more equipment and complex stages than concrete production does. In addition, concrete cannot be produced before cement-making process is finished.

To begin with, there are two main materials which should be prepared for producing cement, that are limestone and clay. First step, these materials are crushed by crusher untill the material sizes powder. Secondly, after being mixed, it will be rotated with certain temperature to heat it in rotating heater. Thirdly, the material needs to be processed in grinder to produce cement. Fourthly, cement can be packed by using large bags.

After cement being produced, concrete-making process can be started. To create it needs 15% of cement, 25% of sand, 10% of water, and a half of stone with small size. The first step is that pour these materials into concrete mixer. After being poured, mixed together by rotating the tool. Finally, concrete can be already used. (177 words)

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Hi Miss Septia.
I have read your writing closely. In this moment, I concentrate on contents in this writing. Please, you review my notes so that you will not make the same mistakes.


Why I correct your overview is because that is really essential in writing task 1. Honestly, your sentences in the overview tended as the hackneyed sentence. Generally, people have known the process of cement production needs more equipment. It happened at the last sentence in the overview. I am gonna demonstrate making the overview.

"Overall, it is important to note that there are four primary steps passed in the production process of the cement before it is utilized. Meanwhile, the process of concrete production only needs one step, but this is supposed to mix four essential sources."

To begin with, there are two main materials which should ... TWO MATERIALS HAS TO BE PROVIDED BEFORE STARTING THE PROCESS. that THOSE are limestone and clay. THE First step, IS THAT these THE materials are crushed by crusher untill UNTIL the material sizes powder.

... to heat it in THE rotating heater.
... needs to be processed in THE grinder to produce cement MAKE THAT BECOMES THE CEMENT POWDER.
(Actually, you denied the mixed process. you only mentioned "


')

..., THE concrete-making process can be started.
The first step is that pour POURING these materials into THE concrete mixer.
Finally, THE concrete can ...

NOTE: Please, reread your writing before you upload so that you can avoid misspellings.