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IELTS Task 2: Information sharing. Should or shouldn't?

tieuanhanh 1 / -  
Aug 3, 2018   #1
Dear all, I'm new to this forum. Thank god, there is a place like this because I am about to take my IELTS exam. I hope to receive your comments on my essay and an expected score.


Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Other believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both views and give your opinions.

The 21th century has seen the drastic change in various fields including science, business and academic. While some people argue that sharing achievements in these fields is a waste of resources and can lead to dangerous results, I still believe that information shared widely and freely should be supported because it is the key to new breaking-through inventions in such areas and improvement of academic performance.

On one hand, it is thought that if confidential and important information falls into the wrong hands, it could result in unexpected and devasting outcomes. For instance, the formula of a new chemical substance which can explode in a large area may be used by a terrorist to make a bomb. Furthermore, many companies keep their inventions totally confidential due to the reason that if it was stolen by their enemy firms, they would perhaps lose the ownership of the invention and, as a consequence, their customers and the money invested into the research and development of this invention.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that sharing information can stretch the boundaries on mathematics, science and a variety of fields. Many scientists use the new knowledge from academic publication to develop their own theories and make inventions. A famous example is Marie Cuire and her husband used research papers from their colleagues to invent radium thanks to which they received a Nobel Prize. It also applies to academic world in which students given opportunities to approach up-to-date information on their majors can increase their interest in studying and achieve more outstanding academic performances. It is possible that researches conducted by those professors and students may be improved in terms of quality.

In conclusion, after considering both positive and negative sides of the issue regarding sharing information widely and freely, I firmly believe that its pros outweigh its cons and information sharing will highly possibly open the door to the new era of science and technology.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,039 2726  
Aug 4, 2018   #2
Anh, the approach to this essay requires you to discuss the public opinion regarding the sharing of information with regards to the two points of view. It is only after presenting the arguments from the public that you can use your personal opinion to support one of the two views in the discussion. That makes this essay a 5 paragraph comparison essay. What you wrote, based on the prompt paraphrase you created is only a 2 sided personal opinion point of view essay. That runs counter to the prompt discussion requirement.

The clue as to how many paragraphs should be written can be found in the discussion instruction. When it is said that you have to "Discuss both points of view and give your opinion", that is automatically a 5 paragraph essay. When presented with a question instruction such as "Do you agree or disagree", that is a 4 paragraph essay presentation.

The discussion requirement clearly indicates a public discussion be presented in the first 2 body paragraphs because it refers to "Some people believe..." which indicates a public discussion. As such, it is the reference to the public opinions that should be discussed first so that your 3rd body paragraph (4th in the overall essay paragraph presentation) that is based on your personal point of view gains strength and authority by supporting one of the two POV's.

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