I have been out of school for 10 years and am just now going back to school.
Awesome! You inspired me...
I will inform you why about the reasons Seattle is the best choice for a vacation destination and persuade you into joining me for a temporary escape that will change your life.
Wow, really? You are going to have a hard time persuading me!
Everyone has a different method for relieving the stress that mounts on a person throughout the day and because of this individual family members are left to cope on their own.---- when you waste all these words to say something obvious, it waters down the essay.
You do not write with errors, but I think you are able to improve a LOT if you read Stephen King's
On Writing. Based on the way you write, I think you are at the perfect place in your practice to benefit by reading that book by King.
Paragraph 2 is completely useless for persuading someone about the merits of Seattle as a destination.
Paragraph 3 is the stuff you include in an informative essay, an informational essay... not a persuasie essay like this one! It is all information!
No, you need to never waste a single word, and find poignant ways to express each idea. You seem to be falling into the trap of writing for the sake of writing... like, trying to do "good composition" without really having anything to say.
I see that you are doing this to practice composition, and you have good topic sentences, a thesis statement at the end of the first para, etc. It is all good. But do not make the mistake of writing an essay without really feeling inspiration about the topic. You have to feel very inspired first, and then write.
A problem or this essay is that you are writing to the reader that the reader will love Seattle, but you write, "My personal connection to Seattle is what makes it so unique." That makes your argument weak, because Seattle just seems great to you, but it is not best for everyone...
:-)