Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Informations from books or from real life?; unexpected things happening everyday


kordestanchi 1 / -  
Mar 1, 2014   #1
Hi, I am preparing for TOEFL writing section, please review my writing
Question: It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books". Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books.

In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

My Essay :
In today's educational world which is facing lots of changes everyday we should experience some things that are, in some level beyond what we learned from books. That causes to be more up-to-date in study fields. On the other hand we should not forget the solid base knowledge that books gives us. In this essay I will discuss the advantages of these two aspects and at the end contain my preferences.

One of the advantages of experience based knowledges is that it contains newer issues to discuss. Informations achieved from experience are more dynamic than the ones that reaches from books,that's why it is more likely to face with newer problems in this mode. in order to solve those issues you have to seek newer sources, this way your experimental informations will be more efficient . on the other hand the academic reference books are very much for using it inside the academic fields. This is very much like what happens in real life where most of the experiences you gain are more useful in your work , than textbooks that you read in university.

One of the advantages of those understandings that are achieved from academic books are quite well for passing the courses with good grades and at the end they may be great references for those who wants to have an academic job.

Some of my friends in university really like to be professors some day, but they have accept the fact that they may not use a lot of creativity in their jobs because it is much more static than using newer logics to solve issues. In fact the most flexible task in academic jobs is research that requires some dynamic thoughts and gathering new data that may cause newer achievements. So you can accomplish lots of success in the academic world depending on the educational reference books that you red.

To Conclude, the experimental things I learned, played a significant role in my personal and professional development. In my opinion you should consider the context informations from the books but not depend on them, in case of wanting to be a creative person who has the ability to solve the occurred problems. At the end, if you consider continuing your activities in academic fields, the things that you read in the books are quite enough, but if you want to try newer fields with fascinating unexpected things happening everyday you should try experiencing thing and learn from them.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 12, 2014   #2
Let's not worry about your grammar problems for now. Let's get the message of the essay cleaned up first. Then we can worry about the grammar problems and how to correct it :-) I will try to restate your paragraph sometimes in order to show you a better way of presenting your ideas.

In today's educational world which is facing lots of changes everyday we should experience some things that are, in some level beyond what we learned from books. That causes to be more up-to-date in study fields. On the other hand we should not forget the solid base knowledge that books gives us. In this essay I will discuss the advantages of these two aspects and at the end contain my preferences.

- But what is your opinion on the matter? You need to point that out in your introductory paragraph in order to create your thesis statement.

- The modern world demands that we learn both from the traditional sources of education, such as books, and from real life experiences. Now some people argue that books are the perfect way to learn about life. While those who come from the "school of hard knocks" say that life is the best teacher because experience cannot be gained simply by reading books. I believe that (insert your opinion here). But that is not to say that the opposing side is wrong. So I need to consider all sides of the issue in order to decide if I am right or wrong in my belief.

One of the advantages of experience based knowledges is that it contains newer issues to discuss. Informations achieved from experience are more dynamic than the ones that reaches from books,that's why it is more likely to face with newer problems in this mode. in order to solve those issues you have to seek newer sources, this way your experimental informations will be more efficient . on the other hand the academic reference books are very much for using it inside the academic fields. This is very much like what happens in real life where most of the experiences you gain are more useful in your work , than textbooks that you read in university.

- Information and knowledge are also the plural form of the words.I believe that it would be best for you to do a comparison of the information gained from books and then from real life in this paragraph. That is because learning is a naturally occurring process that you can point out in this portion.

One of the advantages of those understandings that are achieved from academic books are quite well for passing the courses with good grades and at the end they may be great references for those who wants to have an academic job.

- You need to add more information to this sentence in order to make it relevant to the topic. Otherwise, this is just a redundancy that can be omitted in the next draft of your essay.

Some of my friends in university really like to be professors some day, but they have accept the fact that they may not use a lot of creativity in their jobs because it is much more static than using newer logics to solve issues. In fact the most flexible task in academic jobs is research that requires some dynamic thoughts and gathering new data that may cause newer achievements. So you can accomplish lots of success in the academic world depending on the educational reference books that you red.

- You have more than discussed the learned information that come from books. You need to discuss the lessons learned from living life already. Without that discussion, your essay is really imbalanced and fails to properly respond to the prompt.

To Conclude, the experimental things I learned, played a significant role in my personal and professional development. In my opinion you should consider the context informations from the books but not depend on them, in case of wanting to be a creative person who has the ability to solve the occurred problems. At the end, if you consider continuing your activities in academic fields, the things that you read in the books are quite enough, but if you want to try newer fields with fascinating unexpected things happening everyday you should try experiencing thing and learn from them.

- This is a prejudiced conclusion because you failed to discuss the life experience lessons that can be learned. So you need to revise this part as well.


Home / Writing Feedback / Informations from books or from real life?; unexpected things happening everyday