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IELTS writing task II most inhabitants where everyone knew each stayed in suburban.


Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 14, 2016   #1
In the past, most inhabitants stayed in suburban knew each other. Recently, most citizens live in urban areas only knew a little number of people in their environment. Otherwise, there are several benefits and negative impacts inhabitants living in little community.

Living in tremendously peaceful community, protect and help each other member of community for illustrate. Firstly, each member of community will appreciate to another member, without see the occupation, social status or economic condition. It will leads to condition of harmonize and peaceful environment. For example, the rich families still appreciate and humble to the poor families although there are huge different in economic condition. Because all of them have sense of belonging and tolerance in a community, they will appreciate each other. Secondly, each member will help and protect each other. Because every member will know each other, they will work together to keep the safety and security of their community. For illustrate, every man in a small village community in Indonesia always work in team with others member to patrol and watch their village in the night to ensure safety of the village condition.

However, there are several negative impacts living in well community such as they are close minded about the recent news in bigger community and every member has same activities in their daily life. People living in remote are for instance. In remote area, almost all of inhabitants in there have common job and daily activities such as hunting wild animals for their food and work as a farmer. They only get few of information in the village and they never know about the development of world industries. They only live in monotonous life make them close minded.

All in all, there are several advantages and drawbacks of living in small community. I suggest we can take the advantages and try to find best way to tackle the negative impacts.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 14, 2016   #2
Hi Dioba! First of all, I suggest you to write complete prompt of the task so it can help other members to give you feedbacks.

Now when it comes to your essay, I found there are several words which are being repeated in a paragraph. This is not good for people who want to get a high score on IELTS. One of the aspects to get band 6 or more is the use of lexical choice. Therefore, you need to use wide variants of diction to make your essay better or you can replace several words with its synonym. Still, you need to be careful to use synonym because not all synonym can be used to alter several words.

Secondly, cohesion and coherent is important aspects of writing. I appreciate your effort to put transitional words, such as otherwise and however, in your essay. Please check the examples of transitional signals and how to use it properly to enhance your writing later on. An inappropriate use of transition signals prevents one's essay to get a good impression from readers.

Keep writing!
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Nov 14, 2016   #3
Hi Dioba, in this particular essay, I would like to tackle your title first before we go on with the body of the article.

Title: M ost inhabitants where everyone knew each other when they stayed in suburban areas .

Now the first two paragraphs of the essay;

- In the past, mostMost of the inhabitants who stayed in suburban areas knew each other.
- Recently,While most citizens who live in urban areas
- little number offew people in their environmentsurrounding .
- OtherwiseHaving observed this ,
- there are several benefits and negative impacts with inhabitants living in littlea small community.

- To start with, living in a tremendously peaceful community,they can protect and help each
- other member of community for illustrate .
- Firstly, each member of community willThey appreciate
- toone another member ,
- without see the occupation,seeing the social status or economic condition.

There you have it Dioba, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and should you need further assistance, we are here for you.
nda18 46 / 81 9  
Nov 14, 2016   #4
hi dio, these are my thought towards your essay

...most inhabitants stayedstaying in suburban knew each other.

Living in tremendously peaceful community, protect and help ...
[ you have no verb here ]
...community will appreciate to anotherother member, without seeseeing the occupation, social status ...
It will leadslead to condition of harmonize ...
People living in remote are for instance.

good essay, overall. keep writing and good luck


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