Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.
Best example mostly from parents
Children education is a long-term process in which both school and parental care play equal roles. It is certain that from each side, children can acquire many different things so that they develop to be a good person in the future. Therefore, the roles of both parents and school are very important and inseparable to the development of every single child
To be a good member of society, individual or explicitly children need to have knowledge from school and manners, demeanors from their parents. The former is considerably needed especially in the modern world of many new technologies are created thanks to people who called "genius". The latter is also something that is necessary for every single person because "manners make man" For instance, a rookie with much grey matter acts insolently, arrogantly with his seniors could not get the respect from others, and of course, never be a good member of society. Thus, the two most essential elements which decide the nurture of children come from their home and school. Missing any of those, a child cannot grow up and develop efficiently due to being lacking in many main skills and knowledge
Many people may think one out of two is enough for their child. The reason is because they have not thought clearly about the impact of the lack of one of those two on a child. A big-hearted child gets much love from his beloved ones but not enough the caring in education from his teachers may grow up and be a burden to the society. Under the same roof at school, children can learn how to cooperate in some group activities. The bond is therefore reinforced and fostered, leading to better behaviors for children, of which they are necessary for society. On the other hand, a smart child who always gets high score at school and even has enough ability to win the gold medal in the Olympics is insolent and arrogant because he thinks he is at a higher level to everyone. Later, we definitely cannot expect him to be a good person let alone a good member of society because talented people without virtue are useless. This misunderstanding may somehow lead to the negative consequent of which decreasing a child's ability to develop integrally.
In conclusion, children's being good highly demands the positive impacts from family and school environment in order to get the integral achievement from any aspect. Many people may get the wrong assumption towards the importance of the 2 elements but eventually it's undoubtable that missing one of thoes two, your child will be missing some of very necessary skills which can make them a good member for society.First, I see that you have chosen parents as the favorite for integrating children to the public life. However, you do not seem to keep up with your argument in most parts of the essay.
At one point you are talking about parents as instrumental while on the other you talk about the teachers.
I would suggest that you choose your position early in the essay to guide you and the reader through the rest of the essay.
This strategy means writing a clear thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph of your discourse.
Usually, this statement will show the points you intend to use to support your position.
For example, you could state that parents are the best option for integrating children to public life since they spend most of the time with them, can shape them according to the desired state, and have better mechanisms for doing so.
In the following paragraphs, I would take each of the points and explain how that would help integrate children to public life.
Also, the conclusion would be a restatement of the main argument and the points used in the main essay.
Finally, you need to check your grammar and sentence structure.
hello. thank you for your feedback :). i don't know why but the topic up there is not my topic. it's just the general one. mine is: "Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. " So, in my opinion, I go for the importance of BOTH school and parent. I was not choosing any of those. That's why I analysed both sides and came to the conclusion that both are important and missing one of 2 will cause negative impact on the development of a child. And can you point out what is wrong with my grammar and sentence structure so that I can easily fix it? Thank you so much.@Frank86
