Intelligence is one of the most important factors for students to be successful, but as I am concerned, it is not the most dominant characteristic assured profound learning and academic achievement. From my vantage point, diligence is as important as smartness. Actually, in many cases working hard can be even more beneficial than any other attitudes; because diligent students can overwhelm many problems of theirs and also they won't be despair and pursue their goals determinedly.
Firstly, I think diligent pupils can always find a way to overcome the problems even if they are not genius. On the other hand, they can solve complicated things thanks to their ability to work hard. Indeed, they can compensate their weaknesses by repetition and persistence. According to an article in the last issue of Education Journal, almost 80 percent of the best students are not among genius ones. They are just determined individuals who try to be the best and do it through working hard.
Secondly, in my opinion, diligence results in making student more optimistic and powerful. Trying students usually are self confident ones who can rely on themselves and never give up. This unique characteristic makes them potent to follow their objects and to reach the highest rate. Being hopeful is the brilliant outcome of this characteristic which has effective role to be prosperous. Indeed, success of most of the famous inventors along the history has been because of their hard trying to achieve their goals. Because of this attitude they never have been disappointed and they have gone on to obtain their goals. Hence, many of the popular scientists have not been among of very smart persons; they have been capable to work hard.
To wrap up, although intelligence can be a considerable factor for being a successful student, it is not the unique secret to triumph. Trying hard is a prominent virtue which makes pupils potent to reach their purpose, as well.
can overwhelm many problems of theirs ----- can overcome many of their problems.
and also they won't be despair ------ .Also they won't easily get despair
the other hand, they can solve complicated things thanks to their ability to work hard----- On the other hand, they try to solve complicated things with their ability to work hard
Indeed , they can compensate their weaknesses -------- they compensate their weaknesses
diligence results in making student more optimistic and powerful ---- Working diligently makes student more optimistic and powerful OR students who work diligently are more optimistic and powerful.
potent to follow their objects and --- potent to follow their goals
To wrap up, although intelligence --- In conclusion or in my opinion
Many sentences have wrong structure. Like,
Trying students usually are self confident ones --- Students who try hard are more...
diligence results in making student more optim---- Working diligently makes student
You can find proper English Sentence Structure in any grammar book.
Also, Practice some English exercises daily before writing.
diligence is as important as smartness.
Without seeing your prompt, I may not be providing you with most appropriate comments. However, I wish you used the very word "intelligence" to keep a good alignment with your prompt because the word "smartness" comes with much more broader sense and it does not only refer to intelligence. It can even be outer appearance. You write very well and therefore try to stay with your prompt as much as possible if you intend to go for a good score. Also, it is good to follow this following structure which dumi suggests for others for your introduction.
You should have provide a specific example for your reasoning as you did in the first paragraph. It is an essential feature in TOEFL that would earn you marks. Also, my suggestion for your body paragraphs is that you should limit the number of reasons to one per para and then provide a specific example to support that reason. This is the best way for you to aim at a good score and finish the essay on time. Remember, this task has a major bearing on time management.
