thank you very much for your correction. there are several responses for your suggestion.
FIRST COMMENT :
First of all, I reckon you forgot to put a comma here.
you are completely true, I forgot to put a comma after "as a result". Nevertheless, I have checked several sample answers which do not put a comma after the expression. So I think it is acceptable whereas I forgot to put it.
SECOND COMMENT :
Then, I think you don't need to use uppercase in "Multinational Companies".
Such a second comment is drawn to my attention dramatically when you broke my main sentence. I utterly agree with you that we should use complex sentence in our IELTS essay. However, if you change the sentence like your suggestion above, I am afraid that it will be inappropriate inasmuch as you do not have main sentence in your suggestion. Secondly, with a thousand of thanks I truly appreciate your comments and suggestions although you get the wrong end of the stick.
multinational companies who considers more highly people
. why you suggest me to put "who", "considers"? I am afraid that the role of subject & verb agreement has changed and I do not know about it. What's more, could you explain to me whether the rule of "adjective clause connector/subjects correctly" has changed or not as you have used "who" to connect thing (companies).
All in all, thank you very much for your suggestions and comments. I will evaluate my self based on your suggestions. if you have plenty of time please comment my other essays.