Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

International exchange visits will benefit teenagers. Advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

yondolly123 1 / -  
Apr 9, 2022   #1

the issue of international exchange for teenagers

It is often said that a large number of people all around the world are drawing attention to the roll of international exchange for teenagers. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that this activity will help a lot for the students to finding out a new culture and learn more knowledge, however, others argue convincingly that this bring some drawbacks for them. As far as I am concerned, I wholeheartedly agree that international exchange bring more advantages than harm and some primary points will be addressed in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, there are two main points for the people to defend the view that international exchange bring some disadvantages for their country and students suck as the brain drain or being under control by the adults. First of all, it is a well-documented fact that human capital flight will happen when these students feel they can develop in another country and dedicate their knowledge for that country. The most obvious example to prove is that in Vietnam, the competition name "The road to the top of Olympia" help genius students who win the game in Vietnam can study in Australia and almost of them are choose to live and work at there. Furthermore, there is no doubt that the students can easily falling into the social's vices which will destroy their future if they are not under control by their parents. For instance, base on the report provided by VnExpress.com.vn in the year 2019, the percentage of student exchange using drugs or abortion increased dramatically from above 20% to almost 40%.

On the other hands, there are two evidences for others people to support the formal argument. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that students exchange can using modern tools to support them in many majors which they cannot do in their country. A clear example being found to prove is that the students who want to learn surgery but do not have enough modern equipment to study better. Equally important, there is no denying that students who joined exchange learning activity can learn the culture about working or studying style which will help them in their study or work, from that, the country will more develop. This is supported by the fact that the working style from Japan has help Japanese develop their country into a great power.

All things considered, it is my strong belief that international exchange for teenagers bring more advantages than disadvantages. Accordingly, I highly recommended that the governments should enhance people's awareness in terms of the solutions to help exchange students can easily live and study in the country they are exchange. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development of society will be ensured.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Apr 10, 2022   #2
The writer has not taken his time allotment and editing considerations into account while writing this essay. The essay requires no more than 300 words as it is only a short opinion essay and not an academic research paper. He has also presented a confusing response placement that has affected the clarity of the required writing format. Either it is an extent essay or itis an A V. D comparative essay. A true task 2 essay will never combine 2 writing styles in one presentation. The writer will lose points in the TA and GRA section because of this illogical discussion presentation.

The length of the essay has proven to be the main failing point of this presentation. While he did write a very wordy essay, it comes with grammar and sentence structure failures. Both of which will result in LR penalties and additional GRA deductions. These are the reasons that will contribute to a failing final score. There are other presentation deductions such as the lack of a concluding summary and offering solution where none are required which will further contribute to the scoring problems, but it is suffice to say the current observations will lead toa failing score.

Home / Writing Feedback / International exchange visits will benefit teenagers. Advantages outweigh the disadvantages?