Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS TASK 1 : THE INTERNATIONAL SALE of FUEL-ELECTRICITY CONVEYANCE


Mardy17 32 / 18 5  
Jan 8, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the level of the international sale of fuel-electricity transportation in different regions around the world during 2006 to 2009, a 3-year period is illustrated in a bar chart. At the firs glance it is obvious that the selling count in the end of period improved as many as twice from the start of year. In any case, whilst there was a fluctuation in products' trade rate in United States, the level of hybrid transport trade in Japan and the other countries increase considerably during the time frame.

To begin, in 2006, the trade rate of hybrid transport in Japan stood at over 50 thousands; likewise, the other regions, exclude US, sold approximately 50 thousands fuel-electricity conveyance. Interestingly, the product commerce in Japan increased gradually until 2008, with in 2009 the rate reaching a high of over three fold from the previous year, while 2006 until 2009 in other areas witnessed a slight improvement in the trading rate of hybrid conveyance.

Turning to the sale rate of fuel-electricity conveyance in United States, 2007 experienced a peak of 350 thousands and it was the highest commerce rate during the period. Although there was a consider fall in 2008, the product sale increased again by approximately 10,000 in the following year.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jan 17, 2016   #2
At the firs glance

please avoid mistyping in your essay.

Turning to the sale rate of fuel-electricity conveyance ...

please avoid to use ONLY 2 sentences in your paragraph, because the content of the paragraph will not be strong enough to be presented in the IELTS exam and possibly affect your band score.

consider these changes:

Turning to the sale rate...
The highest commerce rate during the period is...
Although there was a....


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : THE INTERNATIONAL SALE of FUEL-ELECTRICITY CONVEYANCE