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IELTS Task 2 : International Sporting in easing international tensions


Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 19, 2014   #1
Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Throughout the world, international games which held worldwide have important role to reinforce the relation and reduce the tension between many countries which join in those competitions. Some people disagree with this statement while I tend to agree because international games can be necessary for international relations and national unity.

First and foremost, international games like Olympics and football World Cup is a chance for other countries to meet and build a good diplomatic between among of them. For example, in match between The US with UEA country, they try to build sportivity during the match and give the best performance to supporter and viewer. Although, as we know that both of them do not have a good relation in diplomatic because they always have high tension. We realized that sport can change people feelings at the different time and events. Thus, the two nations could reduce their political and ideological tensions by international competitions.

Furthermore, with this events, it could make the citizen has patriotic feeling to defend and support their country. Sometimes in some countries have dispute with their citizen but when the international competitions held, they feel the patriotic emotions and bring national prestige.

On the other hand, some sports matches can make international relations worse. For instance, in matched football World Cup between France and Italy which Zidane did headbutt to Materazi in 2006. The supporter of France cannot accept this and the emotions explode in aggressive way. Even much worse, the supporter was full of tension overflow and angry with the opponent then the relations between two countries was fiercely. As far as I know, after the match Zidane was punished and cannot join in other games.

To sum up, I think international games can be one of good ways to reduce the tension among nations. However, I believe that international competitions cannot be the one way to show the patriotism and peaceful.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 19, 2014   #2
Throughout the world, international games which were heldworldwidehaveplayed an important role to reinforce the relation and reduce the tension between many countries which join in those competitions.

There is lots of redundancy I find in this sentence.
Throughout the world, international, worldwide --------> all these mean the same and used over and over again.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 19, 2014   #3
I think you'd better write like this: While some people disagree with this statement, I tend to agree because international games can be necessary for international relations and national unity.

Both sentences are grammatically correct and contain the same two pieces of information. However, the second one (the blue sentence) shows an effective thesis statement, by placing the main sentence at the end of the sentence.
ehaforyou 3 / 5  
Feb 19, 2014   #4
Furthermore, with this events ==> these?

cannot be the one way ==> could i remove "one"?
cannot be the way ....


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