Please feel free to comment my writing for this prompt:
Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for their country. What are the reasons? Solutions to change negative attitudes.
There is a concern that international tourism brings negative consequences for visited countries. This essay will analyze several reasons for this belief and suggest the solutions that could be carried out to improve the situation.
One possible cause of the problem is that foreign tourists may accidentally spead severe diseases into the country they visit. A typical example is H1N1 flu virus, which is dangerously spreat due to the travelling of people around the world. Moreover, since the political situation is not quite secured, tourism can be used as a tool for making terrorist attacks. As a result, the security of that country will be threatened. Another reason why international tourism is not a good thing is that the government may too focus on the development of this industry that they take less care of the enviroment. For instance, natural lands are being turned into hotels, resorts and villas as well as forests and oceans are polluted with the garbages left by tourists.
An obvious solution for the government to solve the problem is to tighten security and health controls at airports and docks. The second solution is that the authorities and the government should have policies to limit the amount of garbarge coming from the foreigners. For example, the campains of collecting rubbish on the beach should be held with the participation of foreign visitors. In addition, international tourists must be provided information about traditions and customs of their destination through holiday brochure to help them understand and have right behaviors.
In conclusion, international tourism brings many benefits related to economical development. However, it also causes problems regarding infectious diseases, threatened security and polluted enviroment. The government should take both sides into consideration so that the citizens can be satisfied.
Thank you so much!
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Linh, I admire the effort that you placed into writing this essay. It is analytical and does it best to create a knowledgeable image for you on screen. However, there are a number of mistakes in your discussion development that did not affect the message of the essay but unfortunately still ended up being points deductions because it created errors in your presentation.
For starters, the standard format for all the paragraphs is a minimum of 3 sentences per paragraph. It can never only be 2 sentences. When you write 2 sentences as you did in the opening statement, you will lose C&C as well as TA points. A typical representation of a 3 sentence opening paragraph is as follows:
There are a number of people in the world that have this idea that international tourism is not a good thing for any country. These people have based this belief on several ideas, two of which, will be discussed in this essay. I hope to be able to propose movements at the end of this essay, that will help to remove this negative belief about international tourism.
If you avoid creating long sentences, you will easily meet the minimum sentence requirement per paragraph. Don't write more than 5 sentences per paragraph though, that is another violation of the aforementioned rules. So its minimum of 3 , maximum of 5 sentences. Remember that.
It would be best for your essay if you discuss one topic per paragraph in order to create a more coherent and cohesive paragraph that will best show off your English writing skills. The content of each paragraph should be as follows:
1. Topic sentence
2. Supporting discussion
3. Proposed solution
The above suggested format meets the minimum requirement per paragraph and offers you a chance to truly develop your discussion of a particular topic. You are being judged in the accuracy and completeness of each paragraph, not on the number of information you can provide per paragraph. So the better you explain yourself, the higher your score will be. If you read your current work, you will find that all of your presentations are not accurately explained to the reader. This will again, affect your C&C score in the final tally.
Since there is a minimum 3 paragraph requirement per essay, it is up to you if you want to write 3, 4, or 5 paragraphs for the given topic. If you find you have very little to say, then do your best to write an effective 3 paragraph essay. However, a 4 paragraph essay is normally what brings in the passing score in most instances.
Thank you so much for your comment. It helps me a lot in improving my language skills.
Hi. I'd like to give you a paraphrase of the prompt without copying "international tourism"
=> Many people think that their countries suffer from tourism that crosses national borders.
You could give the key words in the prompt a precise explanation. The practice can drive up your score.
hello, glad to read your essay. you wrote more than 250 words and you used well grammar but you have mistakes in your essay. for the first stage, your introduction you have to make it vivid, because in your introduction has to describe your all essay. and then you have to make at least 3 sentences for one paragraph actually. secondly, in your conclusion make it can delegate for all your essay and give a suggestion from it.
I hope it helps.