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Why international travel became so popular?

KhanhCT 1 / 1 1  
Aug 30, 2017   #1
Today more people are travelling than ever before.
Why is this the case?
Is it a positive or negative development?

My answer:

travelling is an indispensable part of human life now

In recent years, travelling around cultures has gradually become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon. This increasing popularity of international travel is combination to several factors ,in my point of view is accompanied by considerable benefits.

A number of reason have been put forward for rapidly increasing tourists in the past decades.First of all, people want to get refreshment due to their glowing pressure from workloads from therefore more and more people choose travel as the way of relieving their stress in work. Secondly, It is much easier for people to obtain holidays information than ever before. In the past, the limitation of wealth and cutting-edge technologies inhibited tourisms exposing tourist attractions and advanced societies which are located in far-flung areas or even another countries. However, nowadays, the advanced modern technologies make it very easy to gain knowledge about places of interest all over the world through the Internet.

It is obvious that tourism bring great benefits to not only the host country but also travellers.Firstly, it contribute to the economy of the host country with the money they spend on a wide variety of services, including goods, food, souvenirs, accommodation and travel. To take the France an example. Annually, having a million tourism from overseas visit to see places like Eiffel Tower or old castles along the Lorie valley, which results in a wide range of career opportunities for local communities. Secondly, travelling is a good ways to broadens the horizons of visitors to see the world. For instance, early exposing to advanced societies helps travellers to gain new ways of thinking and behaviour which bring a certain edges on their work and life. Therefore, they are able to attain exceptionally high standards in their career way.

In conclusion, traveling are gradually becoming an indispensable part in human life by this enormous contributions. Furthermore, It seems clearly to me that tourism have certain positive impacts on making man whole.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,635 2521  
Aug 30, 2017   #2
Khanh, this would have been a well graded essay if you had not made a mistake in the opening statement. The discussion sentence at the end should have indicated that you were going to discuss the popularity of international travel as a positive development. There was no call for a "benefit" discussion in the essay because that is not the point of the prompt. In your misguided attempt to try and impress the reviewer with your vocabulary skills, you ended up changing the prompt discussion manner instead, which would have resulted in a score that may or may not be passing for you in an actual test setting.

All of your paragraph ideas are little developed because you are discussing too many little related topics in every paragraph. The rule of thumb for this essay is always to present only one opinion, supported by facts in every paragraph. The reviewer is looking for evidence of a coherent and cohesive paragraph development. That cannot be accomplished by presenting multiple topics, with very little evidence to support each one, in every paragraph. Focus on one reason, develop the supporting argument, and come out with a stronger opinion essay.

Do not use American terms if you are not sure of how it is spelled. Even if you know what the word means, if the wrong word is used in the sentence it results in an improper topic or sentence presentation. Your LR score will be severely affected. The term is "growing pressure", not "glowing pressure". Glowing means to express great praise while growing means to undergo natural development by increasing in size and changing physically.
OP KhanhCT 1 / 1 1  
Sep 1, 2017   #3

Thank @Holt!
"Your LR score will be severely affected. The term is "growing pressure", not "glowing pressure". Glowing means to express great praise while growing means to undergo natural development by increasing in size and changing physically"

=>I made a spelling mistake.

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