International travel is becoming cheaper, countries are open their doors to more and more tourists

Topic:
International travel is becoming cheaper and countries are open their doors to more and more tourists.

Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?

(about 250 words)

Essay:
People tend to travel abroad instead of having journeys to their own colonies of countries. International excursion is developing affordably and nation governments are permissible for tourism. This trend has more advantages than disadvantages.

There are several advantages. The first benefit is communication and exchange culture. Foreign travelers can amass characteristics of local areas such as customs, traditions and beauty of heritages, so tourists will have chances to extend their knowledge and create positive obverse. Especially, business adventurers may set up trade transaction between two countries if destinations attract them. Moreover, unemployees will be provided with stable occupations such as hotel managers and waiters or waitresses. Finally, service industry will develop potentiallyand boost profits. The economy can be strongly promoted. For example, France acquires an enomous contribution from tourism every year.

There are certain disadvantages . The first detriment is a significant increasing of crime such as robbing and not paying taxes. Criminals tend to evade abroad in order to delete resibilities. That issue may have infuence on security of other countries. Last but not least, environment problems are noticeable, especially air pollution. Tourist attractions accommodate a dramatic number of drafts. Travelers are from numerous countries, so they have diffirent awareness. For instance, Hannoi, capital of Vietnam is visited by a considerable number of tourists but it is the most polluted city in the world.

Disadvantages are not as important as advantages. Both travelers and countries have their own benefits while detriments can have effective and reasonable solutions.
In conclusion, this trend delivers more advantages than disadvantages.

Hi,
Please consider some my comments on your essay.
1. Firstly, I think you should not confirm that "This trend has more advantages than disadvantages". It is just your own opinion, so you should use "In my opinion, it might have more...". This way might make your essay more convince.

2. Second paragraph: there might be have quite much point of views. I think you should only focus on two or three main views and provide some expanding points to strongly prove them. I think it was not really organised well. (btw I do not understand what you mean " The first benefit is communication and exchange culture")

3. Third paragraph: I think your last issue due to foreigners coming might be not correct. I think the main reasons lead to environment pollution in Hanoi are construction activities and burning the straw (I am used to live in HN).

4. I think it is easier if you organise the essay in a balance way in which you support for both sides.
I hope they might be beneficial for you!
Best regards,
Hung