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IELTS: International travel brings more benefits than its de-merits


ellie_lcl 2 / 2  
Jun 23, 2013   #1
Topic: International travel is becoming cheaper, and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists, do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?

Nowadays, faster and cheaper transport tools have stimulate tourism grow up. And more unreachable places are opening their doors to tourist. It is bring both positive and negative impact for the countries. In this essay, we will analysis the impact of this phenomenon.

In my opinion, the more advantage have bring from the international travel. It is speed up globalization of rural countries. It also boosts local economy which was lack of resources and industry. For example of most small islands in pacific, which are small and have beautiful beach, but always are shortage of resources such as fuel and water, it also can stimulate the economic by travelers, and provide them restaurants, hotel and entrainment. As a result, the citizens can become rich. On the other hand, when people open the door for global travelers, it is not only broadening tourists horizon, it is also introducing a new modern world to the local citizens. The people in local can get more information and knowledge widely then their ancient, and the can be more fashion and catch up the life-pace of modern society.

In contrast, it is also observed some negative impact for the global traveling. The most significant one is the heavy burden on local environment. More resources are expensed by tourists while more rubbish and waste water have polluted the natural environment. Too many visitors disturb the ocean development and break the balance of ecosystem. Such as death of coral reef is most likely are human activities result. For minimize such impact, government should take up responsibility to evaluate the capacity of tourism, and define the strategy and provide supervisor to limit the visitors. Furthermore, protect and maintenance the environment.

As a conclusion, international travel can bring more benefit for traveler, as well as for the local countries and citizens. We can treat it as improvement of modern life. But it is not double that to make travel resources sustainable and protect the environment and economy, government should take up more responsibility.
shadman19922 21 / 74 10  
Jun 23, 2013   #2
This essay is full of grammatical mistakes, and this will definitely lower your score.

Besides grammar, there is a HUGE issue with the content presented. First of all, the essay is too short, which will never get you a good score. Second, in the paragraph two, you mentioned a bunch of disparate facts that don't seem to go together. For example, what does globalization have to do with tourism? You merely mentioned that opening doors will lead to globalization. In Paragraph three, you say that the death of coral reefs can be attributed to human activity. There is the issue of ambiguity here, because the examiner can also construe the phrase 'human activity' as the activity of the local population as well, and thus this sentence makes for a really weak point.

My advice is you fix your grammar first. Read a lot of books(Scholarly, avoid modern fiction) and magazines such as Scientific American or The Economist. Notice the grammatical structures in the articles and text.

As for the essay writing itself. Read lots of sample essays, particularly the ones that get full scores (and those that get slightly less), and compare your writing with those full-mark essays.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 23, 2013   #3
Nowadays, faster and cheaper transport tools have stimulate tourism to grow up.

And more unreachable places are opening their doors to tourist.

... it should be either;
And more unreachable places are opening their doors to the tourist / And more unreachable places are opening their doors to tourists

Itis brings both positive and negative impacts for the countries.

... it brings / it is bringing .... here " it brings" is more appropriate

In this essay, weI will analysis the impact of this phenomenon.

.... I think you better state your opinion, which you have done in the first body paragraph.
Kjerry 4 / 7  
Jun 24, 2013   #4
Hi!ellie_lcl:

i think your expression have problem. you didn't express the advantage of international travel on the second paragraph and i dont see your logic. suggest that you should to read more
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jun 24, 2013   #5
This essay is full of grammatical mistakes, and this will definitely lower your score.

.... You need to attend to grammar, but with practice you'll be alright. Follow the corrections suggested by others seriously and memorize them. Let's try to fix a few grammar errors;

faster and cheaper transport tools have stimulated tourism to grow up

In my opinion, the more advantage have bringfromby the international travel

...."have bring" is wrong.... it should be " have brought" ... Here it should be;
In my opinion, more advantages have been brought by international travel.

It is speed up globalization of rural countries.

.... this is wrong... you can say;
It speeds up/ It is speeding up

It also boosts local economy whichwas lack of resources and industry.

which lacked resources/ which was lacking resources


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