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Annie Kristin 1 / -  
Jul 13, 2019   #1
(Please review my essay and feel free to give some comments on it. Thanks a lot ^_^)


These days, Internet is becoming more and more popular in people's daily lives. Despite the advantages that the Internet offers, there are still some drawbacks existing that affect people strongly and negatively. So, I'm going to outline some specific reasons and examples in this following essay.

First of all, after the Internet has been invented, people started to rely on it to communicate with each other. Little by little, Internet has made the distance between people in our society become apart. We're now used to contacting through social media and refuse to talk face-to-face. In fact, Internet has decreased the oppotunity for people to meet each other. For many, it seems convenient, but actually people cannot really have fun as meeting in real life.

Secondly, children are becoming passive because of Internet. Years ago, without Internet or electrical goods, children used to create their own games to play together. They would go outside, discover new things of nature, read books, or even help their mothers with the homework. But now, after coming back home from school, most of them go straight to the room, then play video games or have conversations with their friends on the Internet in lieu of having a chat with their parents. Day by day, interacting with Internet too much has destroyed creativities of children and has prevented them from growing up naturally.

Finally, the Internet has opened a new place for the criminals to do bad things. A new kind of criminals named "Hacker" has been existed with the bad purpose of stealing people's money or spreading virus from computer to computer. They even spread gossips, unfounded criticism and steal your personal information,

To sum up, with the appearance of the Internet, it has brought many issues for rhe society. I believe that we are relying on it too much and even overlooking the good things in our daily life. It's high tine for us to stop this and using Internet properly and effectively should be well-consider by humans in our society

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Jul 13, 2019   #2
@Annie Kristin
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with feedback to assist you in your writing.

I would firstly suggest trying to maximize the space you have in your essay through the removal of unnecessary filler words. For instance, evade adding "some" in portions wherein you could do well without it. Try to also evade linking together synonymous words to maximize the space you have.

Secondly, try to also use more concrete examples. By having more real-life examples, you'll be able to curate more meaningful content as it would have a backbone to rely on.

Best of luck as always.