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Is internet convince to us or to swindlers?

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Jul 14, 2020   #1
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic.

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.

Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

The trend of shopping online have been viral these days and famous online market like Amazon have became one of the biggest company in the world. In my point of view, there are two advantages which is the convenience and its user friendly.

With the help of internet, we could buy our necessity and without going out for example air tickets., By clicking a few buttons, we could filter all of the products from around the world that we want and ship to our countries within a few days. In my own experiences, it takes only couple of days from recognised my needs to receive the product without taking my wallet out.

Speaking of not going out of our home, online shopping is users friendly. In the old days, shopping could be one of the difficulty to the disable people and elderly. But with the help of internet, no matter of the deaf and dump, they could buy the necessities whenever they want, and more importantly without any help.

Undeniably, the advantage of users friendly could be also a disadvantage to children. Nowadays the age of owning a phone or a electricity devices have been younger and younger, which means children could fall into trap easily. Moreover, adolescences that do no to take good control of their money could also fell into traps easily. Despite the risk of falling into the traps, I believe it is more essential for us to teach them the correct concept of personal finance.

Nevertheless the disadvantage to the kids, the disadvantage could be erased by correcting the misconception. As a result, I do believe that the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantage.
Ptp03 4 / 6  
Jul 14, 2020   #2
The question asks you to comment whether the advantages of online market outweigh its disadvantages, and you have not stated your opinion in the introduction.

There are some grammatical errors that I have spotted:
could fall
Repetition of the collocation: fall into traps
Nevertheless the disadvantages to the kids => grammatically incorrect => despite possible kids- related drawbacks
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,021 4243  
Jul 15, 2020   #3
You need to use the proper A/D format for this essay. You focused too much on the advantage discussion, which removed the balance, clarity, and cohesion of your presentation. While you gave a clear response to the question in the paraphrased first paragraph, you did not really develop the original discussion presentation in that paragraph, which is why it is short by one sentence to fulfill the minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph.

You should be using the following format for the 2 reasoning paragraphs:

Sentence 1: Disadvantage topic
Sentence 2: Reason it is considered a disadvantage
Sentence 3: Why you think it is an advantage
Sentence 4: Example to prove the advantage
Sentence 5: Additional supporting explanation (optional)

If you had used the format above for your discussion, the essay would have had a more connected presentation from one paragraph to the next. You should be focusing on related discussions per reasoning paragraph since you are scored, based on the writing format of this prompt, on the cohesiveness and coherence of your paragraph presentations. This is only a 4 paragraph essay, not a 5 paragraph version.

Grammar Issues:
The trend of shopping online have been - ... has been (singular word reference)
... have became ... - have become (word choice error, use present tense)
have become one of the biggest company - has become one of the biggest companies (plural word reference)
could be one of the difficulty - difficulties (plural word form in reference to "one of the")

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