Internet is doing more harm than good
In recent years, with the technological advancement, it is undeniable that internet play an important role in daily life. While some people think that Internet is detrimental, others believe that it is indispensable part in our lives. While i accept that Internet has negative side, I strongly believe that the Internet' role are more crucial.
On the one hand, there are several reasons for people do not support using Internet. First of all, Internet has downsides for children. In fact, teenagers are easily involved in social networking platforms in Internet. They spend lots of time sitting in front of the screen to play game or surf web. This prevent them from taking part in outdoor activities. As a result, this will cause health problems such as obesity. Secondly, using Internet overly can make people become more and more passive. With a great deal of information in Internet, everybody can approach and use them for study or work which help people complete their task easily, therefore this make people more lazy. What can be inferred from this is that it would be dangerous to people who dependent on Internet too much.
However, I would argue that these drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits. The first benefit of Internet would be that it plays an important role in improving the effectiveness of student learning. In fact that in recent years, more and more students use Internet as a source of information which is useful for their schooling, as a result, learners can enrich their horizon and have different view in every field of life by taking part in online learning courses or listening many lectures in online platforms and so forth . In addition, Internet is also effective tool for relaxing. Through a great deal of online programs involving music, sport, game; users can be able to approach different entertainment methods which bring out relaxation after hard-working day.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of Internet are more significant than the drawbacks.
I see 3 points in your essay:
1 - spelling error: "While i accept". "Internet' role"
2 - grammar error: "platforms
in on the Internet."; "task easily, therefore, this make" = " or "... . Therefore,...; "Internet has negative sides"; "their schooling , as a result,.."
3 - you should learn more vocabulary, so your essay do not mention some words few times. You can use this "thesaurus dictionary" . For example: Take part in = Participate in = become a part of....
You should also mention the question for this essay, then everybody can understand clearly to show your detail mistake
thank you very much!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,540 3448
I cannot offer you a comprehensive review of your essay without the complete prompt requirements. You forgot to include it with your post. It is crucial that you always include that because the suggestions for improvement in your writing approach will be based on those instructions. I'll just give you a general review for now. By the way, even if you wrote this essay by computer, you should not be writing 333 words. That means you created several errors that you will not spot because you spent your time writing, without giving consideration to reviewing and editing presentation errors in your essay.
The pronoun I is always capitalized in these types of presentations. It is never written in lowercase, regardless of the method of writing (pencil or keyboard). Work on your comparative forms. "More lazy" is incorrect. "Lazier" is the correct comparative form (Lazy, lazier, laziest). By the way, when you use an apostrophe at the end of the word, it should have an S accompanying to indicate ownership. In this case, internet does not require an apostrophe at the end of it.
Limit your paragraph to one topic sentence per presentation. All of your paragraphs are under discussed. That means, your reasons are good, but the supporting evidence and discussion is not. That is normally solved by discussing and fully supporting only one topic sentence per paragraph. You don't need to overload the essay with information. That isn't the benchmark for a high score. The true benchmark is the clarity and quality of your presentation. Which, in this essay, is severely lacking.
the Internet plays
It is a indispensable part
in of our lives
while i am agree that the Internet has some negative sides
play games or surf websites
talking part-> participating (t is okay to use phrasal verbs but i thing this would be a better word for your sentence)
in on Internet
makes people become lazier.