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IELTS Task 2: The Internet is Probably the Most Significant Invention of the Last 30 Years


fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Nov 5, 2015   #1
The internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years. Without it, our lives would be completely different. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Spread of the internet has substantially altered life of people in the world for the last three decades. It gives people not only many benefits to support their activities on works or studies, but also some harmfulness for humankinds. I would argue that this has both positive and negative impacts.

On the positives side, the internet presents easiness to get information, news, and knowledge because it can collect them from any source in the planet. For example, when students from university have assignments from their lecturers, they can search from the internet beside books, journals, and newspapers. While the internet provides the knowledge which is published from experts in the earth, students can choose based on their subjects quickly and fast. The internet also assists people in work world, such as banks, government institutions, and mass Medias. They need quick online connection to link to their patrons, citizens, and clients, so their relations will be awakened in reality or virtual.

However, negative site for society is about the content of in the internet, there are many websites which contain pornographies and bad provocations. Internet users are come from any different age range from children to adults, while the adult sites do not block their content or easy to reach. They sometimes solely need for agreement on just one click and allow whoever to access the pages. In additions, these days, hackers who can broke link of information become a threat. They can infiltrate, delete, or disturb data or information, so it will be so harmful.

All in all, it is clear to me that although there are great impacts on development of the internet in over 30 years, there are also drawbacks. The societies have to use wisely, then government has a responsibilities to control cyber world when there are negative contents of page webs.

(305 words)

omarariss 1 / 2 1  
Nov 5, 2015   #2
Hello,
In the second paragraph, it should be universities instead of University since you wrote students. Also in the same sentence reduce the amount of "From" you use. It is too repetitive and does not flow well.
vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Nov 5, 2015   #3
Masdar, when you discuss an essay that asks you agree or disagree to a certain extent, one way that you can strengthen your position, without having to mention a personal opinion on the matter, is by adding your first person opinion at the end of each body of the paragraph.For example when you said:

They can infiltrate, delete, or disturb data or information, so it will be so harmful.

The strength of your conviction could have added a stronger voice to this statement by ending it instead with:

government has a responsibilities to control cyber world when there are negative contents of page webs. government has a responsibilities to control cyber world when there are negative contents of page webs.

Also, in the portion where you indicate:

They need quick online connection to link to their patrons, citizens, and clients, so their relations will be awakened in reality or virtual.

Your point of view that:

The societies have to use wisely,

Could have further strengthened the positive impact of the internet over the last 30 years.

With proper paragraph and thought development, this acceptable essay, with all its grammar mistakes and all, could have become a very purposeful and informative essay. Keep in mind that by showing your agreement and disagreement with the factors, both positive and negative, within the containing paragraphs, the essay takes a more authoritative sound.


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