Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

The internet provide us with easy connection to other people, however it also isolates us

Msm87 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2020   #1
The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are.
On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?

IELTS Writing Task2
The internet provides us with connection to other people without the consideration of time or place. Conversely, it keeps the people apart from social relationship. I am convinced that the internet is an essential tool in modern life.

First, the wild world web notably impacts on both education and social life. For example, using an email at school, universities, which is a way to contact between students and teachers. Students use this method of communication to send homework. Besides that, teachers use it to broadcast materials or any other things for their students. Similarly, in the business world, companies use the internet to build relationships with customers and other organisations.

Secondly, the benefits of social media, networking over the internet, outweigh the drawbacks. It is evident that these websites help people to make new friends as well as keep in touch with their family whether they are near or far in the distance . in another word, they make the life more comfortable and convenient.

Finally, the internet increases the opportunities for work and education in other countries. A good illustration of that, when we are looking for scholarships to complete higher education, smoothly we go to the internet and type on google what we want. Then, it brings all the available positions to us, and we can choose. Another example, when we are looking for a job, we do not need to go out and visit all the companies in the city. The only thing we do is subscribing the job websites on social media such as pages on Facebook, Instagram, Tweeter, and so on.

To summerise, I can't entirely agree with this; the internet has numerous advantages and the disadvantage of it we can control by ourselves.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,665 2035  
Jan 14, 2020   #2
The complete prompt for this essay indicates that requires a clear degree of dis/agreement with the given topic. As such, your introduction paragraph does not clearly indicate a response to the thesis statement. You cannot simply "be convinced". Rather, you have to indicate if you totally or partially agree with the given statement. That means the response should have been and emotional response such as "I totally dis/agree", "I partially dis/agree", "I strongly dis/agree" and the like. You will actually receive a mark down in the Task Achievement section of the scoring because of the lack of proper response to the prompt. Don't save the actual response for the conclusion. Your actual response creates the thesis statement for your essay. The conclusion is only used as a summary for the content of the overall essay response. There are vocabulary mark downs in store for you for misusing words such as the wild world web instead of the World Wide Web. There are also several other problems that directly affect your score. Which I believe would fall around the 5 band overall.

Home / Writing Feedback / The internet provide us with easy connection to other people, however it also isolates us