Could you comments on the structure? reminds me of the unprecise expression sentence.This is my first day to use this website, I would like to engage myself in it by offering writing feedbacks.
Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Cause the Internet really has a great influence on our daily life, there is an endless debate among people, whether it's good or not for us. Some people will be thankful for the Internet offering us a lot of valuable information, while others doubt the Internet causes problems because of an excess of information. In my opinion, nothing else could provides so many avaluable things like the Internet. If it's used properly and wisely by us, the amount of problems caused by the Internet can be lowered to the minimum level.
Taking the TOEFL test as an example, if there is no Internet, I am afraid that TOEFL organizers have to prepare this test in a form of paper, which is a very labor intensive and time consuming way. As a result, in China there may be no much test spots and the price of participating this test will be higher. Considering this issue further, the final consesquence will be the less chance to take the TOEFL test, and meantimes we students have to pay more money
TOEFL test is just one thing using the Internet. Except for it, there are many things that can not work without the Internet. For example, we can not shop online, get known what is happening in time and use Facebook to get contact with our parents when feeling lonely without the Internet.
But sometimes because of the overload of information, it seems to bring us problems on how to cut off some usefulless and even bad information. For example, the easy exposure to violence and sex contents by the Internet for children is obviously against their growth. However, through some actions, we can prevent it from happening. For instance, Google explorer engine provides us the secure search function, by which all the results containing violence and sex will be filtrated out.
So above all, I do support that the Internet provides us many valuable things and I also admit that sometimes the Internet will cause some problems. But if using it properly and wisely, I think, the Internet will offers us more convenience and information rather than problems.
If it'swas used properly and wisely by us, the amount of problems caused by the Internet cancould be lowered to the minimum level. ( I think it should be subjunctive mood, so maybe was and could are correct.)
Hi Yingying,
My English is not very well. I am still learning now
I hope we can learn from each other more.
Keely
Some people will be thankful for the Internet offering us a lot lots of valuable information, while others doubt the Internet that it causes problems because of an excess of information. In my opinion, nothing else could providesus with so many much avaluable things value like the Internet does.
Hi Yingying, welcome to EF! :)
To avoid confusion, I reckon that for the next practice you need to give at least one space (1 enter) for each paragraph. By doing that, the reader or examiner can read and check your essay easily.
With regards to your essay, I would like to describe my analysis in the detailed descriptions below.
1st paragraph:
- ...there is an endless debate among people whether the Internet is good or not. for us.
- Some people will be thankful forbecause of the Internet offering usthem a lot of valuable information while others think thatdoubt the Internet causes problems because of an excess of information problems .
- In my opinion, nothing else could providesthere is nothing that can provide so many avaluablevaluable things like the Internet.
- If it'sit is used properly and wisely by us, the amount of problems caused by the Internet can be lowered to the minimum level.
4th paragraph:
- So above allIn conclusion , I do support that the Internet provides us many valuable things and I also admit that sometimes the Internet will cause some problems. (It is a cliche. It seems that you only re-state not conclude. You need to put more efforts in composing a better sentence. For instance, you can paraphrase your thesis statement from your introduction)
- ButHowever, if peopleusinguse it properly and wisely, I think, the Internet will offers us more convenience and information rather than problems.
As you can see, I did focus on your introduction and concluding paragraph because it is one of the essential parts in IELTS writing to reach a high band score. Good luck for the next practice :)
