Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Internet, social networks and Internet to humankind - IELTS


enchanted178 1 / 1  
Sep 8, 2012   #1
Topic: Many people believe that the Internet has made life much easier for everybody. Yet, some fear that it might also bring along many threats to the society.

Internet Invention and Society



In recent years, the Internet has boomed and played a vital role in our lives. It is believe that the Internet has become the most powerful method to enhance humankind. However, besides the benefits of the Internet, some people state that it also contains many latent threats to the society. This essay will discuss advantages and disadvantages of the Internet.

No denying that the Internet has made communication more flexible. Back in time when we didn't have any instant contact techniques, transferring information is an extremely hard work because of challenge of distance. The coming out of the Internet has become a remarkable milestone in the information revolution. People from over the world can easily keep in touch with others. Information is updated for a moment, not required too much time and money. Apparently the Internet helps correspondence is easier, faster and cheaper.

Despite the great advantages of the Internet to humankind, it might bring along some unexpected disadvantages. The enormous threat of the Internet results from the weakness of security. Because social networks and a large amount of websites strongly develop worldwide, our private information is put in a vulnerable situation in consequence of a loose management. Besides, the Internet makes a potential environment for frauds through providing online sale service. Final point I want to make is the unreliable of information sources. An uncountable number of news on the Internet is written by citizen journalists so they are often lack of original information.

In short, the Internet is a wonderful invention to society; however, the negative side effects of Internet are needed put in a thorough consideration. Now we are living in an electronic information era, thus, if there is a tight network regulation, the Internet will become a potential environment to improve development of globalization.

P/S: I'm a newbie. And I have just started practice for IELTS exam for one months. My weakness is writing skill so I hope you can help me improve this skill. Thank so much!

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Sep 8, 2012   #2
In recent years, the Internet has boomed and played a vital role in our lives. It is believed that the Internet has become the most powerful methodtools to enhance humankind's life . However, besides the benefits of the Internet, some people statethink that it also contains many latent threatsnegative effects (The word "threats" was used in the topic. For this reason I replaced it with a synonym)toon the society. This essay will discuss advantages and disadvantages of the Internet.

didn't

do not use contractions in writing.

transferring information iswas an extremely hard work because

The coming out

I prefer the word "advent"

People from over the world can easily keep in touch with others. Information is updated for a moment, not required too much time and money. Apparently the Internet helps correspondence is easier, faster and cheaper.

write an example to make the idea more clear. For example you can talke about "SKYPE", "Chat rooms", "Google" and many other websites to show how the Internet could influence the communication ways of people.

the Internet resultsarises from

Because social network

never start a sentence with "because"

BecauseA large number of social networks and a large amount of websites can jeopardizestrongly develop worldwide, our private information is put in a vulnerablesituation in consequence of a loose management.

Besides, the Internet makes a potential environment for frauds through providing online sale service

support this point by an example.

the unreliable of information stated by invalid sources.
OP enchanted178 1 / 1  
Sep 8, 2012   #3
Thank for ur review! Ur advices are very useful. Hope u keep suporting me. I'll try to do better in the next one.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Sep 8, 2012   #4
This essay will discuss advantages and disadvantages of the Internet.

This sentence does not provide much enthusiasm to your reader. In my view, you better state your opinion on the argument at this point, and that would help your reader follow why you hold that opinion in the coming paras. That's easy for you and also for your reader :)

anyinstant contact techniques that connected people instantly regardless of any geographical and time barriers,

transferring information iswas an extremely hard worktask

The coming outinvention of the Internet has becomewas a remarkable milestone in the information revolution.


Home / Writing Feedback / Internet, social networks and Internet to humankind - IELTS