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(IELTS) Internet teaching or traditional school? THX~


ekekek 25 / 51  
Jul 20, 2011   #1
It is not necessary for children to go to school because far more information is accessible on the Internet. Do you agree or disagree?

Distance education breaks the geographical constraint between learners and teachers, offering a band new way for all citizens, particularly in rural area. Thus some parents suggest that traditional school education should be replaced as children could acquire more information through Internet.

Indeed, remote learning brings a couple of benefits. Instead of riding bike or taking bus to school, children save a great amount of time on the road. From the perspective of parents, they are able to devote themselves to working rather than worry about the security of their child. Further, none of teachers have capability to master various kinds of discipline knowledge. In other words, less information is taught by teachers compared with the powerful Internet.

Those who advocated the new education approach, however, fails to consider the fact that distinguishing the right from wrong is a tough task for the young. Although a sea of information is provided, it is a pity that most of the information has not been proved by the authority. Children may misunderstand if lacking of proper guidance given by professional teachers. In addition, school adopts systematic way to teach children physically and psychologically. Loads of activities are held in order to cultivate the skills in communication and cooperation, which helps students access to society smoothly and gain a promising future as well.

Compared with home study through Internet, traditional education still shines with irreplaceable benefits. The best way for children's education, I believe, should combine the two ways together. Mainly focus on the knowledge the teacher taught, grasping more extended information as supplement if children have enough time and interest.
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Jul 20, 2011   #2
Distance education breaks the geographical constraint between learners and teachers, offering a band (brand) new way for all citizens, particularly in rural area.

-beautiful n very good starting of the essay... great one.

Distance education breaks the geographical constraint between learners and teachers, offering a band new way for all citizens, particularly in rural area. Thus some parents suggest that traditional school education should be replaced as children could acquire more information through Internet.

-- this introductory para is just a little less than the desired length as it lacks the "theme sentence". Google what does theme sentence means in the essay, u need it very much in essay-writing else ur essay will be insufficient.

---Those who advocated the new education approach, however, fails (fail) to consider the fact that distinguishing the right from wrong is a tough task for the young. Although a sea of information is provided, it is a pity that most of the information has not been proved by the authority (authorities). Children may misunderstand if lacking of proper guidance given by from professional teachers. In addition, school adopts systematic way to teach children physically and psychologically. Loads of activities are held in order to cultivate the skills in communication and cooperation, which helps students access to society smoothly and gain a promising future as well.

Mainly focus on the knowledge the teacher taught, grasping more extended information as supplement if children have enough time and interest

----- rephrase this sentence.

--->My dear friend, firstly this is an argumentative essay, therefore look for the five para approach of essay-writing. You will find it easily on google.

----> Your essay started laying focus on "distance education".. Distance education is a wide field, while Internet learning is merely a part of this wide field.

----> third para of ur essay is the best one i would say...u have stated a lot of good arguments, however in ur whole essay u haven't mentioned what's ur opinion n u agree to which side???

IELTS mostly gives argumentative essays in task 2...so always write at least 5 paragraphs n not less than that...try n keep ur word limit below 325-350 words. (they give minimum 250 words.)

Hope it will help u.

Good luck n cheers.

QUOTE FOR U:

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

- Judy Garland
OP ekekek 25 / 51  
Jul 21, 2011   #3
Rai~~ Thanks for your comments and I learned a lot from it.

But I also have some questions related to your suggestions.

1. In the last para., I mentioned my point of view. Is that not clear enough?
2. Why five para. is better than four in argument essay?
3. The meaning of the argument in this essay in "Internet learning" and "school learning", if using the word "Distence education" is too wide, what should I use?

Thanks for giving me suggestions.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 22, 2011   #4
...brand new way for all citizens, particularly in rural area.

Thus some parents suggest that traditional school education should be replaced as children could acquire more information through Internet.

Further, none of the teachers have the capability to master the knowledge associated with various disciplines.

In other words, less information is taught by teachers compared with the powerful Internet.

Plural: Those... fail
Those who advocated the new education approach, however, fail to consider the fact that distinguishing the right from wrong is a tough task for the young.

Although a sea of information is provided, it is a pity that most of the information has not been proved by the authority empirical research.

Compared with home study through Internet, traditional education still shines with irreplaceable benefits.---I agree! Also, this is a well-written sentence.


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