Distance education breaks the geographical constraint between learners and teachers, offering a band (brand) new way for all citizens, particularly in rural area.
-beautiful n very good starting of the essay... great one.
Distance education breaks the geographical constraint between learners and teachers, offering a band new way for all citizens, particularly in rural area. Thus some parents suggest that traditional school education should be replaced as children could acquire more information through Internet.
-- this introductory para is just a little less than the desired length as it lacks the "theme sentence". Google what does theme sentence means in the essay, u need it very much in essay-writing else ur essay will be insufficient.
---Those who advocated the new education approach, however,
fails (fail) to consider the fact that distinguishing the right from wrong is a tough task for the young. Although a sea of information is provided, it is a pity that most of the information has not been proved by the
authority (authorities). Children may misunderstand if lacking
of proper guidance given
by from professional teachers. In addition, school adopts systematic way to teach children physically and psychologically. Loads of activities are held in order to cultivate the skills in communication and cooperation, which helps students access to society smoothly and gain a promising future as well.
Mainly focus on the knowledge the teacher taught, grasping more extended information as supplement if children have enough time and interest
----- rephrase this sentence.
--->My dear friend, firstly this is an argumentative essay, therefore look for the five para approach of essay-writing. You will find it easily on google.
----> Your essay started laying focus on "distance education".. Distance education is a wide field, while Internet learning is merely a part of this wide field.
----> third para of ur essay is the best one i would say...u have stated a lot of good arguments, however in ur whole essay u haven't mentioned what's ur opinion n u agree to which side???
IELTS mostly gives argumentative essays in task 2...so always write at least 5 paragraphs n not less than that...try n keep ur word limit below 325-350 words. (they give minimum 250 words.)
Hope it will help u.
Good luck n cheers.
QUOTE FOR U:
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland