IELTS Writing Task 1: Internet usage across three countries

I would appreciate it if someone can give me some feedback on my essay. Thank you!

online access in three nations of America

The figure gives information about Internet usage in three nations, including the U.S., Canada, and Mexico, during a span of ten years. From 1999 to 2009, the overall rising trend in the percentage of Internet users was ubiquitous across all three countries.

At the beginning of the period, the USA had the highest Internet usage of 20% of the population. In the second place was Canada with 10% Internet usage, followed by Mexico with around 3%. Over the ensuing years, all three countries all experienced growth in Internet use, albeit at different rates. The most dramatic rise was seen in Canada, as the country overtook the States in terms of the proportion of Internet users in 2002. Meanwhile, Mexican Internet growth rate was marginal, leaving the country behind its two North American partners by as large as a 20% difference in 2002.

From 2002 onwards, the U.S. began to catch up, matching Canada's Internet level three years later at the 70% mark. Mexico, on the other hand, maintained the minuscule increase rate, eventually reaching about 40% Internet usage in 2009. At the same time, the race between the USA and Canada took yet another turn, as Canada soon outran the States and finished at 100% Internet use in 2009. The USA followed closely at the 90% mark.

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  Prompt
  

Long, you are using English terms in the wrong context throughout the essay. In the first paragraph, you said, "... internet usage in three nations, including the U.S....". When there are no other nations mentioned in the graph aside from the 3 listed, the correct sentence would be "... internet usage in 2 nations namely; the U.S..." or "... internet usage in the US, Canada, and Mexico." By the way, you neglected to identify the kind of graph that you are being asked to analyze. That is an important part of the opening summary and should never be neglected in the presentation. There are only 2 sentences in your opening statement when there should be at least 3. The final sentence could have been a representation of what analysis is required of the chart. The coherence and cohesiveness portion of your essay score will be affected when the paragraphs do not meet the minimum requirements. Remember that. I think you did not examine the image for minute comparison points. There are 2 instances when the US and Canada had tied in figures or overlapped in number. These small but significant details are, when included in the final essay, able to increase certain aspects of your score. Always be conscious of that fact and look for the small details for presentation.

Long, I have other comments:

I think that your opening statement is a bit general. You should include 2 main points from the chart. For example:

"The chart shows the proportion of Internet users in the US, Canada and from 1999 to 2009.
It is clear that Mexico had the lowest proportion of Internet subscribers among the three countries while Canada experienced the fastest growth over the period shown. "

Another thing is that the following paragraphs should follow these main points accordingly. To illustrate what I'm saying, this is what I would write for the rest of the report

"In 1999, the corresponding figures for three nations showed small gaps. The proportions of Internet users in the USA and Canada started to increase rapidly while that of Mexico experienced a slow growth until 2001. Although this growth sped up a little bit in the next period to 2005, it followed its previous pace in the last phase and Mexico became the least developed nation in terms of proportion of Internet users.

Although Canada had lower proportion of Internet users than the US, it surpassed America in 2002. The two countries had the same percentage of Internet users in 2005, but Canada then kept the leading position for the whole of the rest period until 2009.":