IELTS TASK 1; Internet Usage in Taiwan during 3 years from 1998

haje9alshoo8 3 / 5

Jun 25, 2013 #1

hi there...
can you correct ma writing and gimme some comments plz
cauz i hv an exam this month

This bar chart shows the number of different ages among people in Taiwan who used the internet over a period of three years starting in 1998. It is clear that the largest number of the internet users was the young people aged between 16-30 years old with 53% in 1998. After two years, this number of users dropped significantly to about 44%. In addition, there was a sharp increase of the internet users aged between 31-51 years old with around 40% while this percentage went down by just 37% in 2000. The lowest percentage in this figure was for children aged less than15 years old with 2% in

1998. However, this number increased gradually to 9% by year 2000.

To sum up, there was an increase for both children and older users from years 1999 to 2000. In contrast, the number of young users decreased significantly among three years.

gmad06 20 / 151

Jun 25, 2013 #2

number of users was the young people

noun plural - linking verb should be plural,try to remember this

In contrast with the number of young users decreased significantly among three years.

I did not understand this statement clearly, try to put the reader on pause like In contrast, the number of young users...

OP haje9alshoo8 3 / 5

Jun 25, 2013 #3

thank you too much..
but you have correct my writing on grammar only..
is my writing good or no?
should i be better?
how many marks will u give me on this writing?

thank you alot for being here

IntheClouds - / 8

Jun 25, 2013 #4

This par chart shows the rates of using the internet

Prepositional phrases generally consist of a preposition followed by a noun. I would consider revising "of using the internet" so that a noun comes directly after the preposition.

It is clear that the highest number of users was the
young people aged between 16-30 years old with approximately 53% in 1998.

As gmad06 mentioned, the linking verb should be plural. In addition, I would clarify what "approximately 53%" refers to. What do approximately 53% of 16-30 year olds do?

In addition, there was an increase for users aged between 31-51 years old with around 40% while this rate fell to 37% in 2000.

An "increase" of what? As a reader, it is not clear to me what there is an increase of.

To sum up, there was a similar increase for children and older users from years 1999 to 2000.

Again, I would suggest clarifying what there was an "increase" of, although you probably will not need to make this clarification here if you do it earlier.

In contrast with the number of young users decreased significantly among three years.

In contrast with who? I'm not sure what you're trying to say here.

OP haje9alshoo8 3 / 5

Jun 26, 2013 #5

marvelous, i will rewrite it again and see it later..
thanks a lot for your responses

dumi 1 / 6,925

1592

Jul 7, 2013 #6

First, make sure that you upload the chart using the feature "Attach file(s)". It's always better for you to get good feed backs because others can refer to it before commenting on your writing.

This bar chart shows the number of different ages among people in Taiwan who used the internet over a period of three years starting in 1998.

... this task is aimed at evaluating students' report writing skills. This should sound like a report ;
The bar chart provides the statistics of the Internet usage of people belonging to different age groups in Taiwan from 1998 to 2000.

It is clear thatthe largest number of the internet users was the young people aged between 16-30 years old with 53% in 1998.

... avoid phrases like that because this is a report. I think this website would be helpful for you: ielts buddy/ielts-writing-task-1