Unanswered [5] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback Posts: 3

Introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum to deal with an obesity issue


thaodang119 1 / -  
Dec 6, 2018   #1
The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.

To extent do you agree or disagree?


Learning about Obesity Prevention



The increasing numbers of overweight people assume that integration PE into academic curriculum in school is the best solution for addressing an issue regarding for weight. Admittedly, physical activities play a significant role in making improvements of children's physical health and prevention from obesity.

In the one hand, students have opportunities to access health-enhancing activities through enrolling in physical lessons in order to prevent obesity and maintain an elastic and flexible body. In fact, by participating in movement activities in school, students are able to reduce large extra calories in the body that is one of the main causes of obesity. Such substances certainly will be more and more stored as fat since virtually all children tend to eat unhealthy food like fast food. In addition, routine physical movement is an inevitably component for building healthy bones and muscular. This can protect against injuries and make body more active. Even recreational sports like football performed in the extra-curriculum provide students chance to play with their fellows in order to increase quick reflexes in them.

On the other hand, through lessons in school, children are more likely to perceive an importance of PE in staying fitness. By encouraging students to engage in physical lessons, they are aware on a responsibility of preservation a healthy life. In turn, they tend to develop an interest in sport and make it a good habit in their daily life. Besides, movement activities like football, tennis also support their absorption of nutrients and digestive procession that have beneficial effects on improvement on appearance and health for later generations.

In conclusion, physical education brings detectable impact on prohibition overweight issues in adolescent. is considered as an inevitable way in prohibition overweight issues in children and adults. Introduction PE into school curriculum is considered as effective way to tackle this problem.

alex42 1 / 3 1  
Dec 6, 2018   #2
1. integration -> Intergrating
2. for addressing an issue regarding for weight. -> to fix child obesity
3. of -> in a
4. and prevention from obesity.
5. In the one hand
6. in the body ... of obesity.
7. On the other hand, ... staying fitness.
8. they are aware ... a healthy life. -> we are preparing them for a healthy life.
9. Besides
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,303 1841  
Dec 7, 2018   #3
Phuong, this essay will get a TA score of 1, which will effectively prevent you from getting a passing score with this essay that you have written. You have not discussed the topic in the way that the prompt has instructed you to do so. This resulted in a severe prompt deviation or changing of the discussion style that led to a change of topic as well. Hence, this essay will be viewed as not having responded to the task in an appropriate manner. The error is glaring when you consider that the:

Original Question: The what extent do you agree or disagree?

was responded to with the following:

Response: Admittedly, physical activities play a significant role in making improvements of the children's physical health and prevention from obesity.

The error in the Task 1 response is so bad that it will be useless for me to review your LR, GRA, and C&C mistakes because if I do that, nothing will be left of your final score. Before you continue to write practice essays, you should first become knowledgeable regarding the types of Task 2 essays and how you are expected to respond to them. There are enough examples for you to learn from at this forum, just use the Simiar Discussion links to read the other samples which will also lead you to learn from the advice given to the previous test takers. If you have any questions, feel free to post those in this forum and I will get back to you with an explanation or clarification.

You don't have the writing skills at the moment, nor the English comprehension skills to pass the test at this moment, based on this practice essay. You should improve over time through grammar lessons, sentence structure exercises, and practice essays. I suggest doing well with the 2 early foundations before you delve into actual essay writing.


Home / Writing Feedback / Introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum to deal with an obesity issue