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introduction paraghraph about equal numbers of male and female in universities


mona80 1 / -  
Dec 24, 2009   #1
hi everyone, this is mona from Iran, this is my first post. i have a lot of problems in my essays. i write an introduction paragraph in below, please check it.

topic: universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.

Nowadays, high level education is a desire for all youth, many of them select their majors without any concern to future. In my opinion universities should accept them according to result of research about society. difference in their potency, less opportunity in finding related job for women and increasing the age of marriage are the supports for this idea.

thanks

luvhunta 3 / 7  
Dec 24, 2009   #2
welcome to ESSAY FORUM Mona,
this paragraph has lots of errors,i think you should rephrase it or make a new one.

in recent times,a higher standard of education has been a desire for all youths. most of them select their majors without any concern for the future.

i also think "in my opinion" should not be used in the second sentence.i can guess English is not your first language but this is a great start. cheers.

essay forum will help you a lot as it helped me. GOOD LUCK
Keng 39 / 134  
Dec 28, 2009   #3
In paragraph 1, You should begin with what do you think about the prompt, then write opinions of the prompt you have in mind. finally, the effect of your idea, benefits on what society.

body paragraph 2 3 4

Conclusion sentence 5

Here are my suggestions


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