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Introduction/Thesis Help (good family = good future, bad family = bad future)


Kurogashi 1 / 6  
Mar 19, 2010   #1
Hi, I am new here, and forgive me if I post this in the wrong forum.
I'm doing an essay on how basically good family = good future, bad family = bad future. It's quite ambiguous but, it is the common theme in the two books I have read.

Here is my introduction and my biggest concern is the thesis, which should state the good/bad future statement. I am having trouble continuing with the essay because of the thesis. It's hard to write about something that I am still not sure of. So please help and thank you in advance.

In a world filled with wars, environmental disasters, and indiscriminate crime, it is a wonder how anyone can laugh, fall in love, and live life to its fullest. It seems as though at every turn, there is an obstacle after another. So, how is it possible to navigate through all of these horrors and love life? The key is a strong family. The family must be supportive, caring and understanding. Because it is this family, that allows us to successfully navigate through the horrors of life. However, not everyone is fortunate enough to be born into this kind of family. Instead, they have to search for an alternative, someone who may be able to replace this ideal family. In the novels book 1 and book 2, both antagonists share the same fate. Neither of them had a strong family, instead theirs were corrupt and slowly, the two boys ended up as rotten apples not falling too far from the tree. This is why we as social beings need a strong family, in order for us to not to fall into the depths of despair by repeating the wrongs of those who came before us but instead, to flourish and develop ourselves into the figures of society who may one day support the path our child choose to walk on.

bmachado 5 / 23  
Mar 19, 2010   #2
In a world filled with wars, environmental disasters, and indiscriminate crime, it is a wonder how anyone can laugh, fall in love, and live life to its fullest. It seems as though at every turn, there is one obstacle after another. How then is it possible to navigate through all of these horrors and still love life? The key is a strong family. The family must be supportive, caring and understanding. It is families like that that allow us to successfully navigate through the horrors of life. However, not everyone is fortunate enough to be born into this kind of family. Instead, they must search for an alternative to an ideal family. In the novels book 1 and book 2, both antagonists share the same fate-- being born into corrupt families. Eventually , the two boys turned into rotten apples that did not fall too far from the family tree. This is why We, as social beings, need a strong family so that we do not fall into the depths of despair by repeating the wrongs of those who came before us, but, instead, to flourish and develop ourselves into exemplary figures of society, thereby providing our children with a more solid foundation to build their lives upon.who may one day support the path our child choose to walk on.

I think you are off to a pretty good start, just be careful of using too many unnecessary words. Sometimes, less IS more, so choose your words carefully. If you wanted to go a different way, it might be interesting to challenge the idea that having a bad family makes you a bad person. You could then go into how the flaws of the characters led them to stray away from the high road and you could site examples from the real world about people who have successfully become better then what they came from. English teachers love it when you put things into the context outside of just the book. :)
OP Kurogashi 1 / 6  
Mar 19, 2010   #3
My god, you sound like my English teacher! And yes, I am aware that one of my biggest problem is useless diction and meaningless words. My English teacher too said to go the route that you have suggested!Thank you for the feedback. I'll finish the essay ASAP.

On the side note, I am not too familiar with using the word "like" in the way you have suggested. I have done so once or twice in the past (probably the "wrong" way and not like yours) and the teachers always cross it off. So, nowadays, I just play it safe and avoid the word "like". And are the excessive commas really needed in the end?
OP Kurogashi 1 / 6  
Mar 19, 2010   #4
Dam, I can't edit my post after a certain time frame. Anyway, I choose not to go that route actually. I like to refrain myself from talking about "success" because it is way to ambiguous for me to sum it up in a few paragraphs. It varies from person to person. Plus, this is an English assignment based on two books that we have chosen for ourselves, and i'll try to stick to the context as close as possible because the assignment was to use your books to support your argument (which I should have made clearer).

And I just noticed that I do use like in your context, so nevermind. lol
bmachado 5 / 23  
Mar 19, 2010   #5
I tend to overuse commas, so I wouldn't doubt that some may not be necessary (or grammatically incorrect), and you are supposed to stay away from "like" as much as possible. I am sure that you can support either argument just fine, so choose the one you are most comfortable with. Good luck. :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Mar 20, 2010   #6
I am having trouble continuing with the essay because of the thesis. It's hard to write about something that I am still not sure of.

Great observation! I hope you will share your insights with other people here by helping them with their essays essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/

Why dos the thesis assertion make it difficult? When Babe Ruth would point in the direction of the home run he was going to hit, that made it more difficult for him. If you begin with a thesis, it makes it tough to proceed... but if you allow the thesis to change to accommodate the paragraphs you come up with, it will be easy.

Write a sentence about an observation you make, and let it be the topic sentence (first sentence of a paragraph. Follow it up with an example and some explanation, and then a conclusion sentence for the paragraph. Do this a few times, and you have your body paragraphs.

Look at all the body paragraphs and rewrite the thesis statement so that it fits them perfectly.

OR just write these paragraphs in ways that support your assertion that a good family = a good future. ... yes! This is what you should do, because you wrote this intro beautifully.

...it is a wonder that how anyone can laugh, fall in love, and live life to its fullest.

Put this little extra phrase between 2 commas:
It seems as though, at every turn, there is an obstacle after another.

The rest o this is beautifully written. Just find examples from the story to support the assertion. start each with a topic sentence to begin the paragraph.
OP Kurogashi 1 / 6  
Mar 20, 2010   #7
Thank you for the feedback.
However, I am now having a lot of trouble with what to put in the body. I'm beginning to do more summarizing than using the books as supportive points. This is my second paragraph:

The years of a teenager are full of changes. Not only are there physical changes, there are emotional and social changes. Some may find the years of adolescent to be the best years of their lives, while others may consider it to be filled with emotions. There are those who drown in these waves, while others desperately try to grasp a breath of relief. Whether we sink in our pain or have our heads high above water, we all wish there is an easier way to live our lives. But, can a strong family be able to ease the burden for these children when they live in such a modern fast paced society? To answer this question, we must turn to the characters of the two novels that represent a large portion of the youths in today's society.

And then from there I start summarizing the whole story about how bad their lives are, which is a big problem because I don't know what to do after that. And I actually like the thesis right now, so I don't plan on altering the thesis for the paragraphs. Well I guess this is what they call writer's block, sigh.
OP Kurogashi 1 / 6  
Mar 21, 2010   #8
Nevermind, I have finished the essay and like what it is, thanks again for the help. You guys got me started, which is probably the biggest problem, haha. (I blame procrastination)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Mar 21, 2010   #9
Usually people say, "The teenage years" rather "the years of a teenager"

Oh, I'm glad you finished and are happy with it.
I know what you mean about procrastination! We all do that. But it's okay, because inspiration is tricky to catch.

:-)


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