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IELTS - Introductions; living in modern world/ world poverty/ traffic problem


Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
May 27, 2014   #1
Since i'm now practicing writing introductions for IELTS task 2 which is the part i'm worst at, i hope it is ok to post just introductions not the whole essay on this forum :) and i hope you can spare time correcting my errors :D thank you a lots

Topic 1 : Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in modern world.

The twentieth century has seen a lot of changes taken place in every aspects of life. Some people find the challenges that these changes offer exciting; others prefer the simpler, less automated life in the past. Living in modern world has certain benefits such as higher standard of living; however, it also has some drawbacks such as environmental damage, the depersonalisation of human relationships, and the weakening of spiritual values.

Topic 2 : every country has poor people and every country has ways of dealing with the poor. what are some reasons of world poverty? what can be done to help the poor?

Every country, even the richest, has groups of people who live under the poverty line. Their living conditions are so miserable that they do not have a place to dwell, food to eat or even such services as health care or edutcation. This essay will discuss the main causes of poverty and suggest some possible solutions.

Topic 3: If the countries are serious about solving traffic problem, they should tax private car drivers very heavily and use the money for the cheap or free rail travel.

to what extend do you agree with the above?

Massive traffic congestion is now one of the most strenuous problems that many coutries have to face. This causes both travelling difficulty and enviromental damage. In order to get rid of this problem, it is advisable that alternative transport system such as cheap or free railway should be established. It seems to me that the best way to finance this establishment is to tax car drivers.

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
May 28, 2014   #2
every aspect

every aspect / all aspects
The twentieth century has seen a lot ofmany great changes taken place in every aspectsaspect of life.
This causes both travelling difficultydifficulties and enviromentalenvironmental damages.

Your approach for the first two essays looks alright. However, in the third one, you do not introduce the background of the issue adequately. Before expressing your own opinion on the issue, introduce the issue to the reader.

I find you write extremely well. Move into the other parts of the essay - body paras and the conclusion
OP Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
May 28, 2014   #3
Your approach for the first two essays looks alright. However, in the third one, you do not introduce the background of the issue adequately. Before expressing your own opinion on the issue, introduce the issue to the reader.

Thank you a lots for your comment
could you explain more cleanly about how i could make it more adequate?

thank you a lots... again:D
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
May 28, 2014   #4
The twentieth century has seen a lot of changes taken place in every aspects of life...

I recommend you to put your opinion before the end of the introduction.
Living in the modern world is a symbol of prosperity (HOOK). For some people, this brings healthy life challenges. Some others claim that this stage of life requires more stressful lifestyles. Both views have merits and demerits (Background). However, I believe that living in the modern world needs enormous expenditures of energy, time, and money. (Thesis statement)
OP Pyon9x 11 / 24 9  
May 29, 2014   #5
I've got your point but i think this topic require a balanced argument approach which i should look at both sides then make a judgement at the end. That's why i left the thesis statement for the conclusion

thank u for ur comment anyway :D
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jun 5, 2014   #6
Some people find the challenges that these changes offer exciting;

If you organize the order other way, I feel it would be more interesting;
Some people find these changes offer more interesting challenges.

Your approach for the first two essays looks alright. However, in the third one, you do not introduce the background of the issue adequately. Before expressing your own opinion on the issue, introduce the issue to the reader.

I agree with Pahan and hope you follow his suggestion to come out with a very effective intro. Also, I feel you should now get on to writing full essays... It is always better to complete the task during practice sessions to improve your time management skills for the task :)


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