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Inventors and doctors, both are important to our society and both are play their role wisely.


ppdev 1 / 3 1  
May 26, 2016   #1
Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. Do you agree with this statement?

Now a days, people are discussing about the inventors and doctors. Inventors are very important for our society, whereas doctors play vital role to cure us when we feel ill.

Firstly, inventors are play an enormous role in the society. Inventors are work had and invented new useful think such as computer, mobile phone and TV. These are the important inventions done by the inventors for the society and people are using it in their routine life; and they are rely on it. Inventors always finds the way to make the thinks easier to accomplish the work in easiest way by the inventions. However, inventors always helps to the doctors as well such as X-ray machine.

Secondly, doctors play important role in our society, to keep people well whenever they feel ill. If someone feel they are not feeling good and their health not allows them to fit and healthy, that time people confidently visit the hospital to expect to cure them by the doctor.

In nutshell, inventors and doctors, both are important to our society and both are play their role wisely in the society.
sinahector 7 / 34  
May 26, 2016   #2
Hi
Just some simple errors:
now a days=>nowadays
people are discussing=>people discuss
the inventors and doctors=>inventors and doctors
play vital role=>play a vital role
inventors are play an enormous role=>inventors play a crucial role
Inventors are work had=> ? Inventors work hard
and invented=>and invent
useful think=>useful things
...
I am not a professional grader but I think you need to read more essay samples (I have to do it too :))))
Keep practicing because I believe you can.
try to read many sample answer, it will help us to learn new vocabulary and gain our ideas
OP ppdev 1 / 3 1  
May 26, 2016   #3
Thank you for valuable inputs to correct this essay, would like to request you please let me know, is this essay have any choherence problem?
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 26, 2016   #4
Hi Ram, if you ask about coherence problem, I can see that it is indeed problematical. Your grammatical inaccuracies made the paragraphs incoherent. Therefore, I would like to give you corrections regarding to the second and the third paragraph, and I hope you can learn valuable lesson by considering my feedback.

2nd paragraph:
- Firstly, inventors are play an enormous role in the society.
- Inventors are work had and inventedwork really hard by inventing many valuable inventions,new useful think such as computer, mobile phone and TV.
- These are the important inventions done by the inventors for the society, and people are usinguse it in their routine lifedaily routines in which people really dependent on it.; and they are rely on it.

- Inventors always findsfind thatthe way to make the thinks easier to accomplish the work in easiest way by the inventions.everything looks easier to be accomplished by using their inventions.

- However, inventors do not work alone . They always help to the doctors as well such asby inventing X-ray machine.

3rd paragraph:
- Secondly, doctors play important role in our society by curing the disease of their patients, to keep people well whenever they feel ill.
- If someone feel that they are not feeling good and their health not allows them to fit and healthy are unhealthy, that time people he or she confidently visits the hospital to expect to cure them by the doctor can cure them .

As seen, there were many grammatical inaccuracies that have been corrected. I hope you can follow through :)
OP ppdev 1 / 3 1  
May 26, 2016   #5
Hi, thanks for your feedback :)

Would like to ask you one question to clear my doubt in the following sentence:

@ichanpants89

Firstly, inventors are play an enormous role in the society.

It may be silly question, why are should not be a part of the sentence?

Please help me.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 26, 2016   #6
Sorry for not explaining that part clearly. I thought that you have already understood about that one. It is actually a simple explanation.

Simple present tense formula:
(General truth / habitual action)
Subject + V1(s/es) + Object + Complement
Inventors play an important role in the society.

Adding 'are' makes the sentence incorrect.
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 26, 2016   #7
Hy, Ram.
It is a great chance to give some suggestions for your essay.
Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. Do you agree with this statement?
This a quite interesting issue to discuss, thus you could give more argumentation.
The noticeable one is I don't found your thesis statement. It is imperative to mention it in your introduction, thesis statement, and restate in conclusion.

That's all for you (:


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