debate over financing the art projects
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Recently, there has been a debate over whether governments should finance art projects because investment in this field is thought to be not paying off. As a citizen, I strongly disagree with the statement that investment in the arts is just a waste of money.
First of all, arts in general have always been an significantly important part of our lives. Arts are not merely entertainment. They embody the wishes and hopes that we otherwise could not express in any other ways. Music, for example, is scientifically proven to be able to make us feel emotionally better. Furthermore, it is definitely not true that these investments do pay off. Take the US for example. The music industry contributes more than one billion US dollars to the country's economy annually.
What should be discussed is how these projects should be invested and financed. It is definitely not a right decision to build a multi million dollars theatre house. Instead, the money should be spent on the projects such as giving scholarships to students who has got the talent or support cultural arts projects to reserve the culture of a community. Give the fund to where it is needed is a way to promote and better our cultural life.
It is important that governments should understand how a society works. Building schools, hospitals or upgrading other public services always remains the top priority, but they also should not overlook other things such as arts, which can contribute to the cultural well-being of the people.
"Recently, there has been ... As a citizen, I ...." - I think that the point of this topic is to force you to compare between the importance of arts and other public services. However you only mentioned that you thought art was important but you didn't say if it was more important than public services and deserved more attention from the government in the opening paragraph and the whole essay as well so maybe a little improvement on that.
Hello there. Let me provide you with feedback on your writing.
Firstly, I recommend that you try to condense your thoughts. I've noticed that you have a tendency to create quite baffling and "all-over-the-place" content because of the lack of structure. Enforcing that you follow conventional writing rules will help you integrate your thoughts in a lighter manner, creating a more resilient approach to writing in the long-run. Focus on this the next time that you write.
For example, try a revision similar to this:
..., is scientifically
proven to be able to make us feel better emotionally better.
Switching around words and playing with the dynamics of your writing will definitely help you.
Take a look at this one:
What should be discussed is h How these projects should be invested and are financed should be discussed. It is definitely not a right ... a multi-million dollar s theatre house . ; I instead, the money ... on the projects such as giving scholarships to students who has got the talent or with talent to support cultural arts projects to reserve ... community for artistic preservation.
Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck as always!