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Essay about investment on art and culture - IELTS task 2


gondam7 3 / 7  
Feb 21, 2015   #1
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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In this era we live nowadays, there are several duties the governments should have. One of these duties is taking care of culture of the country, which is really a serious matter. However, some people believe that the governments should reduce the amount of money spent on cultural and artistic activities, including music, theaters, opera houses and so on.

People who claim that we shouldn't spend these huge amounts of money on arts, believe that there are more important issues to take care of. For instance, they say that we should care more for improving health services by building new hospitals and raising the efficiency of the existing ones. Also, improving the means of transportations considered as one of the critical things, that the governments should invest more money in. they have to build more roads and more railways. Also, improve the roads to decrease the number of car accidents. Make the public transportations more efficient, to reduce the dependence on the cars as the main mean of transport. These were examples of services that people want more improvements in .

nobody can say that those people are not right, but not thoroughly right . despite the importance of these services that make our life much more easier and comfortable, the arts and cultures are important as well. Life can't continue without it. Art add a meaning to our lives and help us to overcome our problems and the everyday routines, which somehow kills our souls. Also, it's one of the main means of building an identity for any country. We can see nowadays, how big countries that have no history, invest a lot of money on movies and music, just to be proud of it. Therefore, arts cannot be neglected by any mean.

in conclusion, we can't live in this life without art. Art is the nutrition for the soul, as food is for the body. To have a better life, we have to invest in the both aspects
masktaz 6 / 15 3  
Feb 21, 2015   #2
Nice idea..let me share my review

One of these duties is taking care of[conserving the] culture of the country, which is really a serious matter.

[T]hey have to build more roads and more railways Also {try to use different conjunction} [and] improve the roads to decrease the number of car accidents.

Mak[ing] the public transportation more efficient to reduce the dependence on the cars as the main mean of [predominant] transport.

These were examples of services that people want more improvements in .{try to restate this sentence}
EF_Jasmine - / 68 39  
Feb 21, 2015   #3
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
One of these duties is taking care of culture of the country, which is really a serious matter (Why do you believe this is a serious matter?, Since this is your opinion, place a quote, or statistic here to prove how serious of a matter this is) . However, some people ('some people' is vague, use a noun such as: citizens or individuals) believe that the governments should reduce the amount of money spent on cultural and artistic activities, (which include)including music, theaters, opera houses and so on.

People who claim that we shouldn'tshould not spend these huge amounts of money on arts, believe that there are more important issues to take care of. For instance, they (Who isthey? Clarify with details) say that we should care more for improving health services by building new hospitals and raising the efficiency of the existing ones.

they (capital needed )have to build more roads and more railways. Also, improve the roads to decrease the number of car accidents (fragment) . Make the public transportations more efficient, to reduce the dependence on the cars as the main mean of transport. These were examples of services that people want more improvements in .( <<<floating period)

(Never begin a sentence using the word Nobody, use alternate wording please)Nobody can say that those people are not right, but not thoroughly right.

i(Capitalize) n conclusion, we can't(contraction) live in this life without art. Art is the nutrition for the soul, as food is for the body. To have a better life, we have to invest in the both aspects (period) needed)

You have some great points here! I would work on punctuation in this essay. Some of your periods are floating, and you are beginning your sentences with lowercase letters. Also, in written English, it is not advised to use contractions, spell the word out. You have a great point, but I became confused with what you agreed versus what you disagreed with. I would advise for you to state these points in the opening sentences of your paragraphs. You have a good ideas keep it up!
masktaz 6 / 15 3  
Feb 21, 2015   #4
nobody can say that those people are not right, but not thoroughly right

What is your point here? Do you mean "Nobody can say that those people are false, but not entirely right"?

despite the importance of these services that make our life much more easier and comfortable, the arts and cultures are important as well.

You can try to find another preposition that is appropriate or restate the phrase
OP gondam7 3 / 7  
Feb 21, 2015   #5
thanks very much, guys
i took all your notes in consideration and i will work more on them. Hope you will find a progress next time


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