IELTS task 2 - Investor are less importance than doctors

Investors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Many people think that investors are not very essential to needs different from doctors. I believe investors five many benefits to people as much as doctors.

In developing countries, investors have a major role in country developments. For example, they contribute to establish many infrastructures for citizens and build a lot of industrial factories in order to create a great job vacancies to employ local communities. These can help people to increase their standard of living. In addition, investors also give lessons to everyone who work with them. In many cases, people learned to manage their tasks, organized the job with some colleagues, and how to worked efficiently. Some people who have learned a lot to manage their job, usually have an opportunity to get promote. Developing countries will have a good increment in their human resources if many investors invest in their countries.

However, doctors are also have important roles. In such countries, people are lack awareness of healthy. They have bad habits to compound food with chemicals, which cause many health issues to other people. Doctors have to neutralize the impact from that harmful foods and they have to give educations to producers to not using dangerous substances to the foods they produce. In traditional market, the fishes and chickens had been injected with a dire substances, like formalin. Pregnant women also consumed these unhealthy foods which caused detrimental effect to their babies, such as mental disorder, physical handicap and death.

To conclude, I argue that investors has less importance to society than doctors. It is because there are many benefits that people can get from investors, especially in country development and to increase their standard of living.

This paragraph is too short to be introduction. You need at least three sentences to show what you are trying to argue. Such sentences consist of a catchy phrase, named HOOK. Although some essayists tend to write no hook in their essay, I am highly confident to suggest IELTS students for this, since such a way is very good approach to attract your readers' attention. Following this, it is background information. It is always good to soon notice the keywords extracted from the question, and then restate them with your own words. After constructing your background, then what you have to think is thesis sentence. This is your main idea about the whole issue. Then as final sentence you need to create an outline as the guideline to show what the examiner will read in the rest of the essay. Let me give a try;

World needs to be more inclusive society. As such, some people argue that investors are more likely to enhance society development. While this is utterly true, as these prolific people often invest through groups or networks, I would claim that doctors brings more benefits to society, such as treating and curing any ailments.