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Iran and Israel were in war period, but they released their problems and want to part in World Cup


Cuynomellen 4 / 3 3  
Feb 6, 2015   #1
International sporting events such as the Olympic Games and the Football Word Cup provide an outlet for patriotic feelings, and help reduce international tensions.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


International sporting events are a prominent part for world cooperation, especially international tensions. They also describe people's patriotic feelings to support their favorite teams. Although the fact will be undeniable, I believe that these events bring a huge benefit impacts in international.

Admittedly, sport events are a big part tournament for people because people are waiting for a long period for euphoria events. Rooted in fact, people have their own special teams and they tend to be loyal support for their teams. People all around the world, for example, are really enthusiastic to watch World Cup and they sacrifice their amount of money as supporters in football competitions. They tend to have their patriotic feelings for their teams which come from their motherland. As result, people have their patriotic feelings to show what they feel, especially their country's teams.

Apart from those tangible benefits, these international events possess offer values. One of them is to reduce international tensions. The reason is that all countries want to be a part of these events. For instance, South Korea and North Korea had a part in World Cup event. Needless to say, both of countries had a political conflict and they wanted to prevent their revenge for football events. This can be seen, supporter from each country were seems to be calm in competition area. As a consequence, these events bring benefit impacts to reduce international tensions in sport competitions.

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fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Feb 6, 2015   #2
Hi Cuynomellen, you have a good writing and it is well organized although I have found some grammatical errors in your writing, let me give comments and suggestion for your writing.

GRAMMATICAL ISSUES :

the Football Word Cup provide

S+V agreement errors = it should be provides

a prominent partfor world cooperation

"for" is not collocate with "part". it should be "in"

impacts in international

impact on

both of countries had a political conflict

both of the countries or both of these countries

The aforementioned evidences

why you put "s" in evidence? do not you know that evidence is uncountable?

FLOWS AND IDEAS

International sporting events are a prominent part for world cooperation, especially international tensions. They also describe people's patriotic feelings to support their favorite teams. Although the fact will be undeniable , I believe that these events bring a huge benefit impacts in international.

I think that it will be valued as memorized expression or I usually call it as lazy expression. Your introduction paragraph is not clear whereas you have paraphrase the essay question. Moreover, I utterly believe that you are fail to answer the question inasmuch as you the question does not ask you about benefits of disadvantages. However, the question ask you whether you agree or not with the statement.

this is an example for your introduction paragraph :

International Olympic games have changed the world through sports and given a universal dimension to the games. Such events are becoming much more popular at the moment and thus to generate a great deal of discussion. This phenomenon has been grabbing an attention of people in the world inasmuch as a global sporting event such as football world cup is appealing the growth of nationalism. Nevertheless, this situation is alarming sports experts as they assume that these spectacular events would reduce global tensions. While the argument of the sports experts is possible in particular conditions, I would argue that the global sporting competitions bring together millions of people worldwide to pay undivided attention internationally and locally as a sense of patriotism arises out of the concerns of world citizens.

KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP STUDY. ;)


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