Hi there, i'm chinese. I'm preparing AW. As a beginner, i was totally confused about the structure, logic of eassy and how to give a well development in my eassy. There must be a lot mistakes in my eassy. Thanks for you patience. I really need some advises from you gays.
ISSUE 130
"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
The influence of eduction to human has been argued for hundred years. As far as the relationship between socialization of children and society is considered, different individuals having different background always take a host of various views. Whether socialization of children can determine the destiny of society and is still in the air. Admittedly, some people believe that children sooner or later will take over whole society, how children is socialized is of importance to improve our society. However, generally speaking, people seem fails to find a proper way to teach children. There are still problems on how to help children adapt the complex and variable society in order to bring about a better society, furthermore the socialization of children is even not the most important factor result in better society.
Common sense tells us, it is new generation who will take over old generation to contribute to our society, to great extent influence prosperity of our society. So we put all our hopes of builting a better society on our children. No denying that upbringing of children is with guidance of their parents and teachers. To great extent that development of children is determined by their parents and teachers. In other words, parents and teachers, even whole society, should be responsible for building better society instead of wishing our children to fulfill - which i mean education.
Yet, the way of both parents and teachers to teach children is problematic. With respect to parents, they have designed the future for their children. they send them to the best school in order to get the best education and force them to take part in activities as much as they can to help them develop rounded. Accordingly, children rely more and more on their parents. When they leave their parents, they will fell helpless to face the changeable society. On the school front, the primary goal of teachers is to get better results for the schools and make children learn the syllabus as fast as they can. They teach all the courses that schools require without considering students' preference. They evaluate student only from their scores. Such education is like assembly line or mass production manufacturing, and students or children are products which are being made by the same standard without differences, and many kinds of tests are just like labels which indicate "qualified" on the products. Those do not help children adapt the complex society.
Contemporary society is changeable and complex. These Characteristics of society requires children with various capacities except reasoning and logical thinking. Such as, capacity of cooperation, creativity, good values, sense of responsibility etc, nor a products with "qualified" on it. For instance, Franklin Roosevelt's New Deal and Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, both significant policy would never happen if the leaders only were socialized well.
In sum, from paragon of former leaders, we can see that to be a effective leader requires children equip many abilities not only what they have learnt that in order to help them how to be better socialized. For my point of view, we should develop children what they are interested in instead of designing future for them and adopt good method of western eduction system to avoid turn our children into "qualified" products.
Hello there, thanks for participating! I'll try to help you improve this:
The influence of eduction to on human has been argued for hundred years.
take a host of various views.----You were not incorrect, but it is a little redundant to say "various" and "a host of"...
Whether socialization of children can determine t
There are still problems on is still uncertainty about how to help children adapt the complex and variable society ----very nice... you have a nice writing style.
Common sense tells us, it is new generation who will take over old generation to and contribute to our society, and to great extent influence the prosperity of our society.
In other words, parents and teachers, and even the whole society, should be responsible for building a better...
society instead of wishing our children to fulfill - which i mean education. this part did not make sense.
Don't capitalize unnecessarily: These Characteristics characteristics of society require children with...
:-) I think the structure is good. You have one clear main idea and each paragraph begins with a topic sentence. Solid!
