GRE Issue: Should companies hire consultants to improve operating efficiency ?

Hello,
I would like feedback on my essay; grammar, vocabulary, quality of ideas, organization, etc. Score estimates are welcome

GRE Issue question

Question
All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary.

Response

The success of a company depends on the efficiency of its operations and the efficiency of the operations is determined by the employees. Therefore, one might be tempted to conclude that to improve efficiency companies should spend more time listening to their own employees rather than consultants. But that's not true.

To begin with, a typical company has many divisions. There's the finance department, a legal department, a department to look over the goods and services produced by the company, and a human resource department, to name a few. Now, employees in one department are alien to the working of other departments. Employees may share their own grievances but since they don't know how things are done in other departments they cannot even pinpoint the root of the problem let alone solve it.

This brings us to the issue of addressing the problems faced by employees. Suppose a company does a survey and is somehow able to locate the root cause of the problem. Now, each department will have its own take on the solution based on what's best for "them" and not the company. Even on an individual level, because people are different and have different backgrounds, everyone will be pitching solutions based on their level of expertise but no one has the experience of solving such a problem that affects the whole company. So there won't be any effective solution.

Another major drawback of not hiring a consultant is that some employees might withhold their opinions due to the fear that they might get fired if they speak something against the company. Even if they are to anonymously write them this can still lead to acrimony and friction between some employees that will ruin the working environment. All this will eventually lead to the dysfunction of operations. But this could be avoided if the company hires an outside consultant. Consultants, being professionals, know how to handle such sensitive issues yet at the same time deliver the correct message. They help firms to operate more efficiently and so have experience solving such large problems. They know how to approach the employees, they study the operations of each department and analyze them carefully to identify the cause and find the correct solution.

Yet one may spend time listening to the employees when the consultant seems to have little experience in the firm's field. Consultants working together with employees, and listening to their opinions is, in general, a good practice because ultimately it's the employees who will be doing the work.

In essence, companies should hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. They may also spend time listening to their own employees, but a consultant has experience in handling such issues, and therefore is invaluable and must be hired.

For some reason, the concluding presentation of this essay is far stronger and more convincing that the opening paragraph that was offered as an introduction to the topic. The introduction missed out on one important aspect, the focal point of the discussion which is "the importance of hiring a consultant to improve operating efficiency". Yes, operation efficiency was addressed, but the consultant was not. It created an incomplete basis for the succeeding discussion. It makes the next few paragraphs confusing up to the point where the consultant discussion finally entered the analysis of the situation. Even then, the writer struggled to make his explanations understood by the reader. Maybe because he did not follow the discussion format as laid out by the topic presentation. Had he written the essay with the correct focus from the start, the discussion would not have been scattered in the final writing.

Thank you for taking the time to read the essay and giving me a few pointers. Now I know the weak areas in my writing and can work on them.