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Issue: Schoolies should be band to avoid any unwanted incident, violent, and sexual assault.

Hahyssx 1 / -  
Apr 19, 2020   #1

Schoolies year dangerous celebrations

Schoolies should be band without any hesitation since it is clearly no solution to result in a better way. No one is responsible enough to take care of themselves during the "fun" and self-rewarding moments, right? That's why numerous notified of teens death after each Schoolies year celebrations, this also includes violence, sexual assault, illegal drugs, alcohol and rapes.

I thought Schoolies would be a lifetime experience after graduating year 12 however that not true at all. Hearing from my cousin Jen who witnessed many of her friends getting drunk, using drugs, and even worst being raped during Schoolies week. Which made me reach out to Schoolies in a totally different way. Cousin Jen told me more about her experience, she shares that she wasn't expecting any of this to happen but apparently one of the girl names M in her grade got raped. The girl was found unconscious lying near the beach on Saturday morning after the third day of Schoolies, undressed. When she was giving the police her testimony she mentions that she got approached by two-man around the age of 30-35 (she estimated), while trying to avoid and fought back she slowly loses her consciousness due to the amount of alcohol she has taken before. I can not imagine how awful and terrible that would be if I was M when I has heard what occurred to her. Who would have thought a life-time experience after graduating year 12 would be a begins of traumatic which M may not ever forget throughout her entire life. Even her parents would felt absolutely upset, sharing their daughter's trauma and blame themselves for letting their beloved daughter attend to Schoolies without considering the worst outcome. How would you feel if you were M's parent? Heartbreaking isn't it?

After hearing my cousin stories I felt discomfort and done a few research myself to prove it if just a small incident but NO. The more I research the more I discover, the dark side of Schoolies. Based on news.com.au on November 30, 2019, a teenager identified as Charlie Scott died on the Gold Coast after attempting to jump from a high rise hotel balcony. A young male Hamish Bidgood fell to his death last year from a balcony at the Surf Regency Holiday Apartment after hallucinating on nitrous oxide gas. In the interview, Hamish's father blaming his son's drugs behaviour have caused the tragedy and state his word that "Hamish is not the first and won't be the last... This happens all too often." Before in the year 2012, a girl name Isabelle Colman died after falling off from a balcony nearby Chevron Renaissance during her Schoolies celebration.

Alcohol can use in any occasion to boost up the 'fun' but with Schoolies the amount of alcohol abuses is more harmful than ever and it's one of the main reason why many kids came home with bruises, scratches and some got bandage all-around their head looking like they just walked out from a Halloween party. TheConversation.com give the statistics of harmful behaviours that teen engage in at Schoolies, 58% of young people reported blacking out, 41% reported being injured, 16% reported passing out drunk, and 10% reported being involved in a fight. This is an outstanding percentage is not something we often have seen. With alcohol young can do many crazy things such as hooking up multiple times and having a lifetime consequence of not knowing who the father is. What those teens even thinking before swallow down none beneficial drinks!

Violence also takes a part in schoolies, the chaotic scene was taken in Bali as a group of Australian schoolies having a conflict. It starts off one versus one then all-out brawl punching from every direction, clogged up traffic. This is such an embarrassing moment for us Australian letting the locals see and filmed Australian students behaviour like wild dogs which makes Australian look bad. Now, which country after seeing this violent Schoolies video would be allowing other schoolies from Australia entering their lands. Moreover, teens are also stupid even they are conscious, they risk their life not wearing a helmet while entering traffic in Bali and when they were asked why by 9News reporter they have answered the question in a very unpleasant, rudeness, uneducated way. Turns out most schoolies travelling overseas may not have insurance at all, that means travel at your own risk, how ridiculous is that.

I have not seen the positive side of schoolies, after all, it is clear that no one has found a solution to solve schoolies problems. That is my personal opinion but many parents would have agreed to it. Why not simply band schoolies to avoid any unwanted incident, violent, and sexual assault. If schoolies keep happening each year see how many families would lose their beloved son/daughter. So band Schoolies will make a big difference for us all!

If banning Schoolies isn't being considered I would look forward to the day when our young people don't need the involvement of drugs, alcohol to celebrate Schoolies, and if it so I hope they remember to celebrate exclusively, responsibilities and act in a manner that shows young teens like us were educated well.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,355 3367  
Apr 20, 2020   #2
I am not sure what type of essay you are writing. Is this a research paper, an opinion paper, a personal statement, what? You are not being very clear with your writing. You need to present a thesis statement at the start of this presentation to give the reader a better idea of what this paper is about and what issues it will be tackling. Avoid using actual names or representations in your paper. Since you are not properly referring to these names, dates, and newspaper sources with proper in-text citations, your paper is not going to be considered as valid. The references you present need to be properly referred to, in the correct writing format, within the paper. Otherwise the professor will not take this paper to be an academically researched piece of writing.

The paper is choc full of incorrect English grammar The errors that abound are so much that I will be unable to do the proper corrections in this posting without actually rewriting the whole paper. You should seek professional help with regards to the overall presentation and editing of your paper. It is informative, it just lacks proper formatting and additional information regarding the background, history,and relevance of Schoolies. Not all the readers will be familiar with it so you need to always write a backgrounder along with the thesis statement.

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