Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


The issue as to whether some types of food advertisements should be prohibited remains controversial


phoebenguyen 1 / -  
May 12, 2020   #1
IELTS T2:

Advertising for food products should be banned.


To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: Researchers show that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, advertising for food products should be banned in the same way as the cigarette advertising is banned in many countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In recent years, many adopt a view that overeating is a detrimental problem which increases morbidity and mortality like smoking does, and the governments should accordingly take proactive actions. However, the issue as to whether some types of food advertisements should be prohibited remains controversial. In my opinion, although imposing bans on food commercials would be effective to some what extent, it is over-simplistic to say that such approach could address the problem.

There is no point in denying that commercials can effect, change or even mold youngers' thoughts. Behavioral studies have indicated that in contemporary society, the more excessive exposure to advertisements, the stronger association between non-nutritious food advertisements and childhood obesity rate. This is attributed to the fact that most children at schooling ages are not cautious of information intendedly disseminated by advertisers; thereby, giving preferences to advertised food regardless of their ingredients. For instance, statics have shown that children who spend more than three hours on television with integrated unhealthy food advertisements are 50% more likely to be obese comparing to peers watching less than two hours. This example demonstrates that excessive exposure to advertisement somehow has stimulated the consumption of unhealthy food in children. Hence, legislators should institute restrictions on advertisements targeting at young viewers to protect this vulnerable group.

Nevertheless, the root-cause of binge eating is mainly derived from subjective factors rather than objective ones like advertisements. Psychological researches have pointed that those who are struggling with stress, anxiety, depression or frustration are prone to food over-consumption, because some food can arouse brain to release endorphin which is a naturally produced opioid in the body to enhance excitement, boost pleasure, relieve stress and kill pain. Furthermore, since eating could give the feeling of euphoria, neuroscientists have determined over-eating as a psychological disease of eating disorder, commonly found among those contracting mental problem resulted from fast-pace of life or fierce working environment. Therefore, at the heart of this matter is the personally internal elements of managing stress and balancing life.

In conclusion, emphasizing on forbidding food advertisement may not completely solve the problem. Given that some of subjective factors are in need of being taken into account, the authorities should thoughtfully re-consider before taking appropriate actions.

370 words.
Thank you!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,766 4769  
May 12, 2020   #2
Before you start writing essays that are extremely worded, you should first make sure that you are responding to the prompt in the proper manner. Outline the discussion first, then address the direct question being asked:

Topic: Researchers show that overeating is as harmful as smoking.
Discussion: advertising for food products should be banned in the same way as the cigarette advertising is banned in many countries
Direct Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree.


The above outline is what you should have done so that you could have properly outlined your response, making sure that no prompt instructions were changed and that you properly formatted your response. So, let's look at what your discussion outline looks like when compared to the original:

Topic: many adopt a view that overeating is a detrimental problem which increases morbidity and mortality like smoking does, (CORRECT)
Discussion: the governments should accordingly take proactive actions (PARTLY CORRECT, MISSING REFERENCE TO SMOKING ADVERTISING)
Response: In my opinion, although imposing bans on food commercials would be effective to some what extent, it is over-simplistic to say that such approach could address the problem. (WRONG !)

Correct Response: Recent data analysis indicates that over indulgence when it comes to food has the same detrimental effects as consuming cigarettes. That is why there should be a move to prohibit food promotions in a manner similar to the nicotine promotions prevention being done in the other nations. I fully disagree with this statement based on commonly known reasons.

Breakdown:

Topic: Recent data analysis indicates that over indulgence when it comes to food has the same detrimental effects as consuming cigarettes. (CORRECT: )
Discussion: That is why there should be a move to prohibit food promotions in a manner similar to the nicotine promotions prevention being done in the other nations (CORRECT)

Response: I fully disagree with this statement based on commonly known reasons. (CORRECT !!!)


The correct response to the question would have been a single opinion dis/agreement with the given topic and discussion points. You changed the prompt discussion requirement, creating a deviation which shows that your response is unrelated to the task. Writing almost 400 words is useless because the essay will have automatically failed anyway. All because you improperly responded to the essay question which is the basis of the 2 reasoning paragraph discussion.

You approached this essay as a research paper. Another error on your part. The response should be based only on your personal knowledge or information using examples from your own experience or public observations. This was meant to be a 290 word essay composed of 4 paragraphs. This is not a Task 2 essay, this is an academic research paper. This is a direct singular opinion discussion essay. The format and the discussion approach is incorrect and will result in your failing score.

Again, writing a long essay is not going to assure you of a high passing score if you did not respond to the discussion requirements as indicated by the original prompt. It is senseless to show off your English vocabulary when your English comprehension skills, as per understanding what the discussion requirement is, remains faulty. You will always fail the task test if you do not understand what the question is and how to respond to it. I have shown you evidence of this problem above.


Home / Writing Feedback / The issue as to whether some types of food advertisements should be prohibited remains controversial
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳