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IELTS; Jewelry or concert tickets; What is more important for you?


Purwati Ayu 7 / 14 2  
Apr 6, 2014   #1
You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.Sometime when we have much money from our relatives, parents, bosses or winning a lottery, we confuse how to expend it for, saving, investing, or spending to buy many things which can pleasure our desire. And it is naturally human being because people need much thing which must be fulfilled. Some people prefer purchasing of show or concert tickets, while I would rather buy jewellery for investment.

Jewelry is one kind of non-renewable resources, so the amount always decreases as long time. As the economics law about human lives to role scarce resource, so rarer, it means more expensive. Saving it, we will get many advantages. If I and my family need money for medicine, health, or study, I just sell it and everything is be easier, It differs if I take my money out to see concerts. I just enjoy in short term whereas we can see it on youtube.

In addition, I can wear my jewelry in special event or in my daily activities and not only me, obviously, most women are keen on it. Women are identical with something which glisten and extravagant while minimally, they put jewellery on their hands, ears and necks. Particularly extraordinary event which is held rarely such as wedding ceremony, women will show their beautifulness up in pretty dresses added by gold, diamond, pearl and many others.

In conclusion, the choices are preferable for each person however I favour investing my money in jewelry over concert tickets because I think it gives me many merits in economics or prestige.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 6, 2014   #2
Sometime when we have much money from our relatives, parents, bosses or winning a lottery, we confuse how to expend it for, saving, investing, or spending to buy many things which can pleasure our desire.

This sentence has two issues - First, it is too long to be a good hook (I guess Pahan provided you with a guideline as to how you should structure your intro, body paras and the conclusion. Follow that guideline approach). Second, the hook should be catchy, meaningful and relevant to your topic. Your topic does not talk about all these things. It simply says;

You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy?

You need to align your writing with topic without going out of topic.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 6, 2014   #3
Women are identical with something which glisten and extravagant while minimally, they put jewellery on their hands, ears and necks

Set this for a main idea

I can wear my jewelry in special event or in my daily activities

Set this for an example
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 7, 2014   #4
Jewelry is one kind of non-renewable resources, so the amount always decreases as long time.

Again, this also may not be valid always. Sometimes the prices appreciate, for example, you cannot buy gold for the price that you paid ten years ago. So be careful when making generalizations.
bakhadeer 6 / 20  
Apr 12, 2014   #5
hi dumi, I'm about to write an essay topic like above. but I also confused with structure. there is one question. Is this an argumental question type? can you make paras with some examples for the same essay topic? plz if you can!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 12, 2014   #6
Well, your topic is not exactly argumentative type, but you can have it fitting into the above structure. For example;
Intro - Start with a hook which would provide you a good entrance to your topic (e.g. Gifts make us happy whatever the form they come in to us) Then have the background (If I am given a gift ????????) Then tell your choice.

Body para 1 - Tell the first reason why you opt for jewelry. Give a specific example
Body para 2 - Second reason + example
Conclusion - reinstate your option :)


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