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zairesummer 1 / -  
Jul 12, 2020   #1

what is more important?

Hi friends, I'm new to this forum and currently on my self-training process in preparation for the Ielts test very soon. Please help me by giving feedbacks on my essay writing skill (something not right up my alley) I'm appreciative, thank you.

TOPIC: Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion


Nowadays, it is argued that engaging in a long-term secured job is more essential than the satisfaction your job has to offer. In my opinion, though, job satisfaction is one of the key elements to living happily so it's believed to be more important than job security.

To begin with, there are grounds for arguing that job security is considerably fundamental. Firstly, opting for a permanent job offers you a stable income for a constant period of time. With that being said, various living expenses is unlikely a problem for you to deal with. Secondly, long-term employment for a particular business or company ensures the opportunity to receive promotions and raises. For instance, my sister has been working for a retailer of the fashion leading brand - Versace for half of a decade and was promoted to the supervisor position which offers her a wage that's twice as much as her first one.

However I believe there are more convincing arguments for contending that job satisfaction is far more essential. First and foremost, getting employed in a position that you find satisfying will give you a sense of pleasure and exuberance. Those emotions activate your productivity, therefore, tasks given will be accomplished excellently without a hassle. It is also the case that job satisfaction keeps you away from stress related illnesses that a vast number of people in the world are suffering from. Indeed, according to the "Saigon Times", a solid proportion of 70% of Vietnamese citizens said they were severely stressed out from their current job and would always hope for the weekends to come.

In conclusion, although there are some merit on both sides of the issue. My personal belief is that job satisfaction outweighs job security considering the boost in productivity and the apparent joy it has to offer.
Waterloop 6 / 17  
Jul 12, 2020   #2
Hello @zairesummer! Here are my advice for you!

to living to live

For your example- "Saigon Times", we dont provide figure examples in task 2 as we cannot receive these figures when having the exam through internet.
You did provide both sides of views but it will be better if you could add a paragraph stating your opinion, including your opinion in the conclusion is not enough.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,700 3784  
Jul 12, 2020   #3
I am impressed by the level of your personal opinion and the validity by which you discussed it. However, the essay does not require only your point of view for the 2 given topics. It requires a comparative discussion of the two points of view, based on public opinion pronoun references, prior to your discussing your personal point of view. This is, in fact, a 3 reasoning paragraph essay as it requires individually developed reasons for each of the 2 public points of view, after which your personal point of view, based upon a comparison of the first 2 discussion points may be presented.

This is a 5 paragraph essay, your personal opinion cannot be used as the closing paragraph. Mostly because doing so will create an open ended rather than concluded essay. A concluded essay should summarize pertinent discussion points from the 3 reasoning paragraphs you presented, along with a restatement of the original topic.