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[IELTS task2] Job for a few years between school and university


Natalia1988 4 / 10  
Jul 11, 2014   #1
Prompt: some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.

Nowadays, it is popular between young people to start working between the finish of the school and the beginning of the university. This choice may have advantages and disadvantages.

The main argument in favour of starting a job before university is that you will earn money, which let you to get independence. Therefore, you will be able to pay the rent for your house on your own and make work experiences. You might also save part of that money in order to pay the university fee afterwards. Besides, you would have much more time to decide what you want to study and with which purpose. From my point of view, take time is a good choice especially for people who are ensure about their academic and job future.

On the other hand, the general view is that working before get the university might be a waste of time. It is certainly true that taking time help to decide but the risk is that the academic courses that you would attend might be changed or dropped. In addition, the later you get a degree the later you entry into the labour market. That is because, companies, generally, prefer younger people with and excellent curriculum vitae.

All in all, it is sure that there are many points in favour and against to start a job between the high school and the university. I think that the important thing is to be aware of this issue and make the decision that best suits your personal situation.

Could you help me with correction? Thanks in advance :)

Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Jul 11, 2014   #2
All in all, it is sure that there are many points in favour and against to

Don't you only put one point for each??
Abboschikband6 - / 2  
Jul 11, 2014   #3
In conclusion transition is somehow not formal, that is why I recommend you to use simple transitions such as In conclusion;To conclude:; like this.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 12, 2014   #4
Nowadays, it is popular betweenamong the young people to start working during the gap year between the finish of thehighschool and the beginning of the university.

The main argumentreason in favour of startingdoing a job before starting a university career is that you will earn moneyit will help you earn money and thereby be independent., which let you to get independence. Therefore, you will be able to pay the rent for your house on your own and makealso gain work experiences.experience.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 12, 2014   #5
The main argument in favour of starting a job before university is that you will earn money, which let you to get independence. Therefore, you will be able to pay the rent for your house on your own and make work experiences. You might also save part of that money in order to pay the university fee afterwards. Besides, you would have much more time to decide what you want to study and with which purpose. From my point of view, take time is a good choice especially for people who are ensure about their academic and job future.

I see you've stated many general points here and there. Therefore, this interrupts the flow. Possible solution: Focus on one idea. Then, explain it more details. Let me give a try:

There is certain amount of necessary groundwork to do, of course, before young people are able to reach the decision to acquire their academic skills. An obvious example of this can be seen from how some undergraduate applicants from Indonesia have their allowance from a 6-month program of Au Pairs in Australia. They could settle small yearly sums to open saving accounts, something which is extremely important to promote financial independence. Also, they are able to secure a place at one of the most prestigious educational institutions, while broadening their knowledge of the world of work. Ultimately, I would argue convincingly that this can be a wise choice for some others before acquiring knowledge and learning skills in university.
OP Natalia1988 4 / 10  
Jul 14, 2014   #6
Hi Eddies, you advice is very useful. And I hope you keep on correcting my essays.

I want to ask something if you can reply. In the paragraph considered I have listed some advantages. You brought a real example. What if I don't have one? Most of the time, my problem is that I don't have opinion about the topic and the result is what you have seen.

Any advice?

Thanks a million.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 14, 2014   #7
What if I don't have one?

If you look at all the prompts of IELTS task 2 more closely in Cambridge IELTS Student's Book, then you will have this instruction: "Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience." This indicates that stating an example is a must . Have a look at how the specific example is used in a paragraph:

Many everyday practices are now performed by machines instead of people and this has resulted in less need for labour. For example, in recent decades nearly all major banks have replaced telephone operators with telephone switchboards that have recorded messages an all bank now have automated teller machines (ATMs). This reduces the need for people to visit the bank itself and has resulted in a corresponding decrease in the need for bank staff. As bank and other similar businesses strive for profit, this is likely to increase unemployment further in the future.

This paragraph uses journalistic questions to construct an specific example. Here are:

Who? - banks
How many? - nearly all
When? - over the last few decades
What? - replaced need for telephone operators and bank tellers
How? Using switchboards and ATMs
Result? - people don't need to visit the bank and less staff needed.

Most of the time, my problem is that I don't have opinion about the topic and the result is what you have seen.

If you could, then you'd better read as many samples of IELTS writings in this website as you can to improve your writing skills. Result shows that reading the samples not only gives students some new ideas about different topics, but it also improves their grammatical mechanics and vocabularies.

Hope this help :D


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