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IELTS Task2: How do you judge the higher proportion of elder people in many countries?

Goldenjohnny 3 / 6 4  
Aug 25, 2017   #1
Q. The proportion of elder people in many countries is growing. Do you think it is a positive or negative thing?

aging population of the world recently

As the aging population is always an important and controversial issue all over the world, an increasing number of people discuss whether it is a positive trend or not. In my view, I consider this aging population issue as a negative impact on the world, and, in this essay, I will be presenting the supporting facts for each side before finally elaborating my personal opinion regarding the matter.

There is no doubt that older people can make contributions to the society in many ways. Firstly, as a general rule, when most of the elder people are more likely mature than the younger generation, older people are less inclined to commit crimes. That is to say, the aging population can reduce the rate of committing crimes. Next, older people tend to play a crucial role in supporting and maintaining social networks, especially between communities and families. This is due to the fact that they provide childcare, financial, emotional, and practical assistance to family members including helping people outside household with the tasks of daily living, when people, in this day and age, seem to prefer to interact with computers and smart phones more. Last but not least, when the proportion of elder people is growing, the job opportunities of looking after older people, such as long-term care, increase.

However, there are several reasons why I consider the aging population as a negative global issue. The main one is financial problems. Most people over the age of 65 in my country are retired, I believe that it because the productivity of those people is no longer surpass the ability to consume. Thereafter, most of these people rely on pensions and subsidies offered by the government to live without making contributions to our society. This phenomenon can bring a huge financial burden to our country. Also, the elder people are more vulnerable than the young, which means that older people may cause more spending in health services. And, sometimes, the significant expenditure on health care could be detrimental to a family.

To conclude, a discussion has been ongoing regarding aging population of the world recently. I believe this is a problematic and negative trend.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,816 2619  
Aug 25, 2017   #2
Hi Johnny, it is highly unfortunate that your essay, though well written would not get a passing score as a Task 2 essay. The failure of your essay once again, comes in the form of your discussion. It does not follow the required prompt requirement. You were only supposed to discuss one personal opinion. That of the negative, as indicated in your final sentence. There was no instruction to discuss both sides or compare both sides in the essay. The prompt just asked you if this was a positive or negative development. Again, the presence of the word "or" means pick a side, one side, for expanded discussion in the essay. While your essay discussion has improved somewhat, until you can learn to understand what the prompt requirement is for the discussion, it will be hard for you to get a passing grade on the essay. Do me a favor, click on the "Similar Discussions" link on this page and read the other essays written on a similar topic in this forum. Pay attention to the way they wrote their essays and learn from the advice given to them. You are a good writer, you just need to make sure that you understand the kind of discussion required for different essay discussion instructions.
OP Goldenjohnny 3 / 6 4  
Aug 25, 2017   #3
I see! I will read those similar discussions!
Thank you for helping me so much!

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