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[IELTS] Keeping pets is good or not? Discuss both views? Personal opinion?


Jun 15, 2014   #1
Experts :) Please help me correct and rate (if possible) my essay :) Thanks beforehand :)

Topic: Too much attention is paid to and too much money is spent on keeping pets, while people throughout the world are starving.
Discuss the arguments for and against keeping pets.
To what extent do you agree?

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Since the dawn of history, humans have adopted animals for many purposes, one of which is to befriend them. As the world develops, the relationship between humans and pets become stronger. This has embarked contradictory opinions whether keeping pets are burning our time and money or not. This essay will make the case for both sides before a personal viewpoint is reached.

There is no doubt that pets deserve attention for the benefits they bring. Many people regard pets as their second best friends who enrich their spiritual life and help them when needed. The elderly, for example, love pets as they enlighten the lonely atmosphere, and more importantly, assist them to cross the street, collect newspaper or even warn the upcoming dangers. Educationally speaking, raising a pet may teach us to be responsible and attentive with which virtue we are going to become a good citizen and parent.

On the flip side of the coin, there are certain disadvantages that may crop up during the up-bringing of a household animal. Apparently, pets cost us quite a fortune in general, form food, drinks to medical treatment, let alone some rare species which demand more than that. For instance, in New York, there is a service which, besides from caring their nails or fur, beautify them with gorgeous costumes to resemble their owners. Of course this kind of service costs no less than thousands of dollars; the sum that should have been donated to feed hungry and painful humans' mouths, not animals'. Similarly, pets like dogs or cats may get us sidetracked from our work or study as long as they keep moaning for a park jogging or food.

To conclude, everyone should own a pet for all the undeniable positivities. Nevertheless, it seems unfair and inhumane to treat animals better than human. From my point of view, we should spend a small proportion to raise a pet, the rest of our budget should be for people with unlucky lives.

Jun 15, 2014   #2
This essay will make the case for both sides before a personal viewpoint is reached.

Hello SalMon, It's only my view that this sentence above is not giving a value.

The elderly, for example, love pets as they enlighten the lonely atmosphere, and more importantly, assist them to cross the street, collect newspaper or even warn the upcoming dangers.

For instance, in New York, there is a service which, besides from caring their nails or fur, beautify them with gorgeous costumes to resemble their owners.

I love those example and overall, this essay has a good structure. good job, salmon.
Jun 15, 2014   #3
Hello SalMon, It's only my view that this sentence above is not giving a value.

ohhh I see... :) thank you :)

I love those example and overall, this essay has a good structure. good job, salmon.

I will try to make my next, and next of next more specific like this one :D
Jun 16, 2014   #4
his essay will make the case for both sides before a personal viewpoint is reached.

I feel you should conclude the introduction simply by stating your opinion. The reader anyways expects you to analyse both sides and there is not point you keep telling them things they already know. It would be more interesting for the reader to explore things he does not know :)

Many people say that we now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. ?To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A clear introduction is vital when giving a balanced answer:

I too agree with fikri :)
There is no doubt that pets deserve attention for the benefits they bring.offer.
Jun 16, 2014   #5
I feel you should conclude the introduction simply by stating your opinion. The reader anyways expects you to analyse both sides and there is not point you keep telling them things they already know. It would be more interesting for the reader to explore things he does not know :)

thank you Dumi :) I will fix in my next essay :)
the relationship between humans and pets becomes stronger. This has embarked contradictory opinions whether keeping pets areis burning our time and money or not. This essay will make the case for both sides before amy personal viewpoint is reached.

The elderly, for example, love pets as they enlighten the lonely atmosphere, and more importantly, assist them to cross the streets , collect newspapers or even warn the upcoming dangers

Apparently, pets cost us quite a fortune in general, form food, drinks to medical treatments , let alone some rare species which demand more than that. For instance, in New York, there is a service which, besides from caring their nails or fur, beautify them with gorgeous costumes to resemble their owners. Of course this kind of service costs no less than thousands of dollars; thethat sum that should have been donated to feed hungry and painful humans' mouths, not animals'.

good one despite some minor mistakes, band 8 in my opinion :D


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