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Kids who are not born with some sort of abilities and skills can be as successful as talented one


maryla 2 / -  
Mar 22, 2015   #1
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents,for instance for sport or music,and others are not.However,it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Believing that people are born with certain skills and talents has a long pedigree.Overtime,by dicovering more about human brain and behaviors,some experts declare that people can gain many skills in different fields such as sport and music by being trained from young age and childhood.

In the past there were many talented who could play sport or a musical instrument without being taught and these examples made us believe that to be good at sports or to be a good musician, it needs to have the skill in our DNA. The main root of this belief was the lack of information about human and his abilities to learn.By the time passing,scientists have tried to find if there are other factors which can effect on human learning proccess and the amount of time that should be dedicate to train a child be a specialist on any type of acitivity like sport or music.

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RunsForCookies 2 / 5  
Mar 22, 2015   #2
1.

In the past there were many talented who could play sport or a musical instrument without being taught and these examples made us believe that to be good at sports or to be a good musician,it needs to have the skill in our DNA.

is awkwardly phrased. Try ending the sentence at being taught and change it needs to we need
2.

human and his abilities

humans and our ability
3.

By the time passing,

As time passed
4.

dedicate

dedicated
5.

Now a days

should be one word
6.

make it clear

made
7.

take out a super star from normal children in any fields by encouraging them to practice continuosly and hard working.In addition to have successful

try something like mold a superstar from a normal child; instead of have successful it should be having success; hard working should be working hard

8.

It is clear that by avoding to give up ,keep trying and learning from mistakes each person could find the way to success and no matter if they are not high talented.

rephrase this
9.

To sum it up

-> In conclusion

Overall, you need to work on your grammar. There were far too many mistakes to fix all of them. Pay attention to your tenses and when listing things make sure they're parallel.
Sunnydayyy 1 / 2  
Mar 22, 2015   #3
There are lots of errors to fix everything. But, I'd like to suggest you to practice the introduction first.
The question is asking your opinion, not experts opinion. So, for the last sentence of the introduction, placing your opinion would be better than experts' opinions. In my opinion, expert's sayings could be placed in bodis to support your opinions.

I would change your introduction in that way.

Believing that people are born with certain skills and talents has a long pedigree.Overtime,by dicovering more about human brain and behaviors,some experts declare that people can gain many skills in different fields such as sport and music by being trained from young age and childhood.

-----> It is common to see some artists being born with innate talents perfrom better than others who have made efforts to be excellent.Therefore, some people assert that children without talents cannot be trained as outstanding musicians or athletes, even if they excercise more than other talented people. However, I strongly believe that anyone can become great in music and sports, if they are taught properly and trained harder.
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Mar 23, 2015   #4
Believing(it is true using gerund here, but it could be better that do not put verb as a noun (gerund) in the first word of sentence) that people are born with certain skills and talents has a long pedigree.Overtime,by dicovering more about human brain and behaviors,some experts declare(It could be better that you use "argue/beliece/contend" cz declare is to announce something clearly/publicly) that people can gain many skills in different fields such as sport and music by being trained from (since) young age and childhood.

In the past there were many talented who could play sport or a musical instrument without being taught (how do you prove this argument?)and these examples(it could be better that you specify your example) made us believe that to be good at sports or to be a good musician,it needs to have the skill in our DNA.The main root of this belief was the lack of information about human and his abilities to learn .By the time passing,scientists have tried to find if there are other factors (what are they?) which can effect on human learning proccess and the amount of time that should be dedicate to train a child be a specialist on any type of acitivity like sport or music.(This paragraph is good, you try to compare:past and present. however, there are some missing argument, I mean that you should make statement clearly)

Nowadays,some experts try to bring to light effective ways to teach children toin improveing their skills even if they do not have the talent in some sort of activities such as sport or playing music.Many researches conducted on this issue have make it clearly that under correct conditions it would be possible to take out a super star from normal children in any fields by encouraging them to practice continuouslyand hard working.In addition to have successful it is important to find activity that they show interest on them to be successfuland helping them through it until they reach to good result on it even if they are not born with the talent.(you need sentence connector here) It is clear that by avoding to give up ,keep trying and learning from mistakes each person could find the way to success and no matter if they are not high talented.

1. pay attention to your spelling
2. try to avoid using many verb as a gerund "being"
3. simplify your example from scientific fact
4. I don't really find grammar error in this essay. however, you should be careful on flow of sentence because it's important

Good Luck!!


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