Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
from a child to an educated person
Children is an essential thing which is someday will continue the task as a society, several people believe that they can learn from the very first in their parents, but other say it's actually the task of the school. This essay will explain the comparison either children should get study from their parents or school
As we know, parents are the first teacher in children life which is gives them first knowledge about life it self. This is because, until 5 years children still take care by their parent, so all of basic knowledge also from their parents, include how to involve in the environment. For example Jokowi who is the president of Indonesia, he get his main knowledge from their parents which now he practical it to socialize with his inhabitants. As a result, children can be easy to keep in touch with other without feel uncomfortable, because they already get the role model from their parents. That's why father and mother have a big responsible to manage their son
However, some parents gives their believe to the school, to give basic knowledge for their son, it because they already believe about the systems that apply. Some of parents say that school is the best place to get more knowledge even in a different criteria such us lesson, how to be polite, socialize with other etc. as the result, school should manage the gives of the lesson and how children can interact with other. That's why some people believe it's good for children to get knowledge in the school.
To conclude, it's evident that people has their own choose about their children to get involve in the society. I strongly believe that parents still have responsible for their son, and school should support by give them the best knowledge on how to act in the environment.
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Umuu, this essay only partially responds to the prompt requirements. There is no discussion of both sides before you gave your point of view in the essay. In fact, you did not even give a proper paraphrasing of the prompt when you wrote your opening statement. You neglected to mention that your point of view is required. You also made the additional mistake of including data (Children is an essential...) which was not included in the original prompt that was provided. Therefore, your TA score will most definitely not be on a passing scale. The grammar issues throughout your essay have left the reader with a strong desire to keep re-reading your essay until an understanding of what you are trying to say can be reached. That is not a good thing. That is called "reader stress" and will result in an extremely low GRA score for you as well. The way that you misuse the English words in terms of vocabulary usage is another clear problem in the essay, which means, another failing LR score for you. Overall, this is not even a passing score essay. It is only capable of getting a failing score.
I apologize for not giving you examples of what is wrong with your essay. You see, I an unable to do that because the whole essay is wrong and problematic. So I cannot choose just a few sections to point out with a correction. In this instance, I would have to rewrite the whole essay, which, unfortunately, I am not allowed to do as a contributor.
It would be better if you could review other sample essays online that are correctly developed. There are ample examples on various websites that can help you learn how to better develop your grammar and sentence structure. Don't forget to do independent grammar and sentence structure practice exercises as well so you can improve those severely problematic aspects of your English writing skill.
Hi, I'd like to give you another example of paraphrasing the prompt:
Children is an essential thing...
=> Some people have an idea that children should be socialized through parental upbringing. Others, however, think that socialization should be done through schooling.