Unanswered [20] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

[Task 2] Should kids really obey all rules or do what their parents and teachers say?


LadyOfClockwork 25 / 78 20  
Sep 6, 2017   #1
Some people think that children should obey rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do, but others think that children who are controlled too much cannot deal with problems well by themselves in adulthood. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

childhood under supervision



It may be open to debate whether children should obey rules or behave precisely as their parents and teachers expect. Some believe in obedience, while others fear excessive control on children will erode their problem-solving ability in adulthood. In this essay, I will outline the essential arguments of both sides and come up with my own opinion.

Advocates of strict upbringing build their point of view on the well-established theory that good manners are not developed by nature but by nurture. Innocent, energetic as children are, they cannot automatically grow into persons of great refinement. For this purpose, rules are introduced and children are brought up to polish their behavior accordingly.

Yet that raises concerns that they will grapple with a variety of problems when they grow up. Docility involves being comfortable with existing rules, recommendations or even warnings, but the keys to successful problem solving do not necessarily fall into these boxes. When creativity is required, as is often the case in adult life, they will find themselves mired in confusion.

Personally, I take on the pro side. It is noteworthy that even the most gifted children are not mentally developed yet, which means they do not have sound judgment and strong self discipline. Unshackled by rules or teachings, they are susceptible to temptations.

Admittedly, both sides make sense. Children can only acquire good manners under the guidance of rules, teachers and parents, while their problem-solving ability might be undermined in the process. Despite the disadvantage, I support the idea that they should be placed under control, since it helps them navigate childhood without yielding to lures.

I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.

Ganesh Mumar 5 / 5 3  
Sep 6, 2017   #2
@LadyOfClockwork
2nd /3rd Paragraph, to support topic sentence, cause/effect explanation should be followed by some examples.
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Sep 6, 2017   #3
Gang, I am disappointed in this work of yours. What happened to the extremely high quality of work that you have been producing? I am saddened that this essay cannot score higher than a 4 because you did not properly discuss the comparison essay, nor did you properly represent your opinion on the issue. This was supposed to be a compare and contrast essay. Remember, you were to discuss 2 points of view and then your personal opinion? The essay focuses only one one side of the matter. There were no transition sentences to indicate that you even tried to change the discussion from the pro to the con, then the personal opinion discussion. Perhaps you were distracted while you were writing this essay? This is definitely not the quality of work that I have come to expect of you. You dropped the ball this time. I hope you can pick it up with your next essay. You need to make sure that you create clear paragraphs that introduce each topic for discussion the paragraph through a transition sentence in the previous paragraph ending sentence. This introduces the fact that you will be changing the discussion to the second topic in the next paragraph. In the conclusion, the wrap up should have been a proper summary of the topic for discussion. You continued to discuss the essay instead. I am wondering if you are not very familiar with the topic which is why you had a problem writing this essay? I am going to admit that this essay that you wrote worries me to a certain extent. I am confident though that you will bounce back from this bad essay with the next one.
OP LadyOfClockwork 25 / 78 20  
Sep 7, 2017   #4
@Holt
Sorry to hear that. I have to admit that I didn't quite know how to write such a comparative topic. That's why the essay automatically deviated from the right path to discussion of only one side.

When I was writing the conclusion paragraph, I tried to avoid "model phrases" such as "in conclusion" and "to sum up". Though the experiment didn't work well this time.

I feel sorry to see the bungled work disappointed you. Yet I'll improve my writing with your advice. I am confident I can and will measure up to your expectation.


Home / Writing Feedback / [Task 2] Should kids really obey all rules or do what their parents and teachers say?